By Michael Armijo

While at the ATM drive-through, a woman straddled both lanes in a two-lane isle.  I’ve been there a thousand times and not one person has ever straddled these lanes, they just pick one.  Sometimes the line moves quickly, other times you have to wait while the cars next to you move right through.  It’s a gamble, but we make a decision and we accept it.

Maybe it was the long day or maybe I just felt short-tempered, but while the woman straddled the lanes, I went around her car, and I picked the left lane.  She got out of her vehicle and told me; “I’ve been waiting, you can’t go around me.”  I explained the unwritten policy of the drive-through ATM machine.  She angrily got back into her car and waited again.  As I drove up to the machine, I felt so uncomfortable.  I knew she never should’ve sat there and straddled both lanes, but who am I to react to her misdirection?  The uncomfortable feeling made me sick inside, I knew that I never should’ve gone around her.  So I backed up, allowed her to go first, calling out to her; “I’m sorry, go ahead of me.”  She pulled up to the machine, finished her transaction, and her last words were; “Thank you for being fair.”

I believe the true essence of being a complete individual begins with the ability to communicate.  The ability to express yourself and present issues, views, and concerns in a dignified, fair, and an understandable manner.  To simply be a human being.

Simple people do not get caught up in the unfairness in life.  They do not listen with anger and respond with vengeance.  They see light and are drawn to it.  They’re clear individuals that can respond with solutions and not just complain.  They respond instead of react.  And it’s their simplicity that keeps them humble and dignified.  Simple people see or experience tragedy and work through it and not around it.  This keeps them complete and understanding.

I also believe in responsibility.  Not to just go to work, pay the mortgage, and get the kids to school, but also to enforce responsibility inside, not just on the surface.  To not just promote a good life but to actually live it from the inside outward.  In a person’s life, responsibility also includes our jobs, our actions towards society, towards our fellow man.  Not to act like a good person, but to actually think, feel, and believe in the goodness of being a good person.

When I pulled in front of the woman at the ATM machine, I knew she was misdirected, and yet I reacted to her misdirection instead of responding to it.  If it meant that much to me to not wait behind someone who couldn’t make a decision, I should’ve communicated with her.  And if it didn’t mean that much to me, then I just should’ve waited behind her and not given it another thought.  Instead, I almost ruined her entire day, and who knows what that could’ve done to her family and friends.

I believe that we, as a society, need to remember how important and how powerful we really are.  We need to understand the true meaning of sharing experiences, applying yourself, being honest, open, and sincere.  It will bring you peace when you remember that you have so much to contribute to life, let’s not waste it on bitterness, anger, frustration, or unfairness.  Instead, let’s focus on the good things.

The power we hold within ourselves is worthless when we misdirect our hearts by allowing our minds to take over.  I believe the truest form of life is not just having the power to get your way, but having the power to help others find their way.  And when we see this powerful light that shines from within, we can capture it and allow those rays of sunshine to help our heart glow with a magnificent gleam that reminds us that there really is a light at the end of the tunnel.

By Sarah Sanchez 

A young girl walked down the stairs of her house on a Monday morning before school. Everyone had gone to work already except her dad.

She walked by the living room to find her dad passed out on the couch.  This was a normal view lately; he would become depressed and drink to numb the pain.  No matter what she said or what she did, he ended up drinking and laying on the couch.  So she proceeded to walk passed him as she did every morning during these episodes.

As she walked to the kitchen, she noticed her unconscious dad was holding his phone in his hand.  Then his hand moved up slowly and he grunted as if he was trying to tell her something.

She walked over to the phone and 911 was typed on the screen.  She looked up at her dad in panic and asked, “Dad, why were you calling 911?”  He didn’t answer.  She shook him and shouted the question this time.  “Dad?! Dad!” she added.  No response.

She grabbed the phone and pressed send.  The operator answered and the girl started crying on the phone.  “My dad has been drinking and he’s not responding.  He tried to call 911 on his phone so something’s wrong,” she said in between cries.

The operator told her that they would send a paramedic out, and asked if her dad was breathing.  The young girl stared at her dad’s chest in hope and watched it go up and down slightly.  She heard his breath faintly.  She told the operator he was breathing and laying on a recliner.  The operator then asked her to try to get him off the couch and lay him flat on the floor before the paramedics got there.

The girl put the phone down and as she was crying, she began to pull her dad’s limp body off the recliner. “Please don’t die,” she whispered in fear. “Please God help him,” she said as she pulled his legs as hard as she could to get him on the floor.

His body began sliding off the couch and his head slammed on the bottom cushion.  Her dad’s eyes suddenly opened and the girl shouted, “Dad!” in relief. “Are you ok? Why’d you call 911?”  A blank stare fell on her dad’s face and he didn’t say a word.

The girl picked up the phone and told the operator that his eyes were open, then she heard a knock at the door.  The paramedics rushed in to check her dad’s vitals.

Fifteen minutes went by as they checked to make sure he was ok.  Her dad was visibly drunk, but his eyes were still open and he slowly responded to the paramedics’ requests.

The young girl stood against the living room wall staring at the ground, trying to process what just happened.  She really thought he was going to die this time.

A paramedic came up to her and asked if that was her dad. “Yes,” she said, still staring at the ground.  “Does he drink a lot?” he asked.  “A week straight this time,” she responded.

Then the paramedic said three words that she’ll never forget: “Stop the cycle,” he replied.  She looked up at him with curiosity.  She saw the sincerity in his eyes, as if he knew exactly what she was feeling at that moment; as if he had an alcoholic father too.  Looking straight in her eyes he repeated, “Make sure you stop the cycle.”  She cracked a slight smile in appreciation for the advice.  “I will,” she said with confidence.

Alcoholism, addiction, abuse, dysfunction, depression; the list of pain we can endure goes on.  We cannot change our parents’ behavior or what has happened in the past.  But our parents’ habits and dysfunctions aren’t ours.  So maybe it’s time for us to: stop the cycle.

By Sarah Sanchez 

The common question asked is:

“When are you having a baby?”

Our response is usually vague:

“Soon”, “not now”, “one day maybe”

Or you may hear an excuse,

Of what is now priority:

Careers, traveling, finances,

These “excuses” have seniority

The truth? We think about babies

More than you really know

We’ve discussed names, hobbies, features

And can’t wait to watch them grow

We know that time is ticking,

Complications will keep rising

Longer we wait, the more the risks,

And the more eggs are dying

But it may not be that easy,

Conceiving may take years

Then what about a miscarriage?

See these are all our fears

And family are getting older,

We hope our kids meet them too

But it’s just not the time now;

There are still many things to do

I do admit holding a baby

Make our hearts begin debating,

If a baby came, we’d be excited

To see the blessing God’s creating

Announcing a baby would be great:

Having showers with all of you there

We know IF one was on the way,

You all will show you care

But when the baby would arrive,

Truthfully, that’s what terrifies me

The crying, changing, and sleepless nights;

Oh how different life will be

You see, this is what we think about,

When the subject comes up each day

We’ve talked, cried and even argued,

Asking if one should be on the way

So when you ask a simple question,

Like “when are you having a baby?”

Know that there’s so much more to say

Than “soon”, “not now” or “someday maybe”

Photo courtesy: Google Images

By Anthony Saude

My wife and kids are not only the most important people in my life, they are also the most frustrating. You can ask them for yourselves about the important part but I would request you don’t mention the frustrating side. That might not go well for me.

I love them so much that I even enjoy getting up in the morning when it is still dark outside to go to work. Even when I know that it is that time of the year when I know it will be dark by the time I get home. And although I don’t like being away from them for so long, I do love the joy that I feel when I finally get home and see them.

I coached my daughter’s travel basketball team for several years. Work all week, tourney all weekend. That was my life and I loved every second of it. On occasion she would ask me “Aren’t you tired?”. My answer was always “I don’t have time to be tired until bedtime. Tired is a state of mind”. She didn’t get it then but she is starting to now that she is an adult.

Life is about choices and we can choose to have a bad day or a good day. I promise that you will have the type of day that you choose to have. We can wake up and think about everything in our life that is bad or everything that is good. We can choose to be happy or sad or mad. All are choices. We can choose to think of what we don’t have or what we do have; it is all a state of mind.

What we fill our heads with is what our actions and behavior will reflect for that day. I try to choose to be positive every day. When I feel sad I think about my kids and laugh. When I feel anger I think about my wife and feel loved. When I feel frustrated I think about starving children in this world and feel grateful for what I have. When I feel all of these emotions at the same time I think about all that the Lord has blessed me with in my life with and feel Joy.

I CHOOSE.

By Michael Armijo

“I am not insane.  I am angry.  I killed because people like me are mistreated every day.  I did this to show society push us and we will push back.”  This statement came from a note a boy wrote in Mississippi after he went to school and open fire killing two classmates with a rifle.  “Never in a million years did I think this would’ve happened here,” a Kentucky resident said after another student open fire into an unsuspecting teacher.  Now these communities are struggling to find out why this happened and whether it could have been prevented.  Will we find ourselves saying the same some day?  How do we go about preventing this type of tragedy from happening here in our community?  Is anyone exempt from tragedy?

The recent shootings at schools and recent incidents involving students and children are on the increase and alarming.  I believe that none of us are exempt from tragedy, and I feel we need to prevent such tragedy, or at least try.

I believe the parents of these children are very much responsible for the actions of these kids.  As a parent of two children, a seven-year-old and a twelve-year-old, I am willing to take responsibility for my own.  I did not have a perfect childhood nor was I a perfect father.  But I’ve taken the time and effort to recognize how my parenting skills are and I’ve spent the last eight years trying to better myself.  Education, stronger health habits, counseling, and even forgiveness.  I’ve been there and done that.  Although I do not profess omniscience, I do know where my heart is and where my head should be.

As we’ve stated in our mission statement, this paper was designed to be a pro-positive publication that promotes education, communication, positive reinforcement, understanding, care and awareness.  We are not a forum for political power nor do we have a quest to be rich or famous.  We don’t want to change the world; we just want to change your outlook on life.  We just want to help.

In the last five months of 1997, there were four shootings, ten dead, and twenty-two wounded.  In each attack, a boy under the age of 16 was charged.  Child perpetrators that have lashed out at society by killing others didn’t develop this type of anger over night and they certainly weren’t born with it.  As a community we need to remember that it does take a village to raise a child.  I think it’s time to start watering the garden so that we can still stop and smell the roses. (Originally written in Jan 1998. How much have we, as a society, changed since then?)

By Anthony Saude

When children are small being their dad is an action – simply put a verb. You will be “dadding” hard all day every day. It is our job to live like nobody else does so that our children can have a beautiful childhood experience.

There is so many things to teach them about the world both good and bad to protect their future. Everything from sitting up to running a mile and everything that falls in between those lines. Dad is a verb, we are always moving them toward their adult years. Sometimes that movement has to rapid and at others we need to take some time to make sure they get it. We help them work through pain, rejection, frustration, betrayal and even the fact that we really aren’t superman but alas human just like them. We must always be “dadding” with proper direction to navigate all of these required lessons.

“Dadding” does end or at least it should or else the life lessons we need to impart on our adult children will not take place. I know you are thinking “they will always be my baby”, I say “KNOCK THAT OFF” they are grown and now they need to make decisions of their own.

Oh, they will suck at it that is for sure but they are intelligent enough and should have had enough training from us to continue to get better at it.

We need to become “Dad” the noun just like they need to become our “child the adult”. Dad is now who we are it is no longer what we do. Do we listen yes of course, do we give advice again yes of course, but we shouldn’t tell or demand. We don’t wake them up for school; we don’t pay for their gasoline, vacations or anything that we as adults are responsible for ourselves. There is a time and a place for everything and although “Dadding” hard is very critical in your child’s life, let’s not forget that being a “DAD” (noun) is just as important to your adult child’s progression in life. We will make an impact on our child that is 100% guaranteed let’s make it a positive one that creates a much easier adulthood for them.

By Michael Armijo

Faith in God is so incredibly hard to describe.  It something you have to believe in, something that can’t be physically proven, something that you just have to say to yourself “I know He exists.”  But how do you begin? Where does it all start?  How do you convince someone that there is a God, whom you cannot see, but say that you can only feel? I believe that faith in God begins when you’re a child.  I believe that behavior is implemented when your kids are very young, and if you want your child to have any sense of God, or sense of a power greater than ourselves, it begins when they are very young children.

But one element that I believe my parents never thought of is the element of creativity. The fact that some people live their lives creatively and passionately will sometimes lead to other philosophies of who God is and how he exists in our lives. Being raised a specific religion and being taught that those particular philosophies that were interpreted by the individuals that I knew, I refused to believe what those individuals taught me about God.  They told me about the God that was revengeful, angry, jealous, and expected obedience.  To this day, I am still unclear of what this religion truly represents; I believe that what I was told was what OUR church believed, and not what the TRUE church felt.  I refuse to believe God will hurt us if we don’t obey, that He will plague our lives if we don’t do what He says, and that we must go to church out of fear instead of love. Being a creative person, I believe the philosophies of God are different.  I believe that there really is a God, a being greater than ourselves, but I believe in going to church out of love, not out of fear.  I also believe that this world is not ‘controlled’ by God, just guided by him.  He has given us the philosophies that will help us become successful with the world, the logic necessary to understand human nature and accept the improprieties that will tear at the human spirit. I believe that what we experience here on earth is here for the moment, here for our one time experience I believe that we are here for today and just as we don’t remember our last life, we will never remember our lives here when we get to the next world. What we do for today is it; this is truly as good as it gets. People get concussions or amnesia because the memories here are from the flesh, from the life we live each day.  Our spirits leave our bodies and somehow become something of a larger sense just as an egg and a sperm become. Heaven isn’t a million miles away, just a place we can’t see because we are in the human sense of life and think as a human, heaven is really very close, a huge ball of energy, a place we cannot get to as humans. The sun is too hot for our human bodies and human materials to endure, so I believe, heaven is in the sun.

He feared Gods revenge instead of feeling Gods love.

By Michael Armijo

I’ve looked at society and the everyday human being, and I’ve come to a conclusion:  I just don’t understand.

I don’t understand why some people act the way they do.  They insist on playing games with others and sometimes, so adamantly, they convince themselves that life really is the misery that they proclaim it to be. They think that their position in life gives them the experience, knowledge and power to pick and choose whom they’re going to benefit.

Recently, I had an experience with someone who had the authority to make life easier for others.  On the day that I was dealing with this person, she decided that particular day was not a day that she was going to help anyone.  At some point in our conversation, she decided she would not be granting me any wishes.  Her logic was, “Too bad.”  She made a choice that because of who I am, I didn’t deserve anything from her; and I, in turn, had no choice but to suffer the consequences of the misunderstandings that were evident.

I understand that there are protocols in life, and procedures are put in place to reduce errors and increase productivity.  But I also understand that there is an immeasurable element that structure, protocol, and procedure sometimes need to take a back seat to.  It’s a measure I call “human compassion.”

We don’t always hear the answers that we want to, but “too bad” ranks right up there with “can’t” and “impossible”.  I believe it’s not what you say in life, it’s how you say it.  There is a way to communicate with kindness and integrity, and still get the point across.  When we forget kindness and compassion, we sometimes lose our spirit.

Regardless of these misunderstandings in life, I still believe in wonderful things.  At this time of year, especially, I still believe in the purest goodness of humanity. I still believe in the childhood premise of a handsome prince charming coming for his beautiful princess.  I still believe that a gentle kiss can awaken a deep and lonely sleep because of the love behind it.  I still believe in the big man in the red suit who brings toys to children on Christmas Eve.

And just like those bedtime stories of my past, I believe in happy scenarios with wish-like endings.  I believe the quite convincing Sam I Am, when he tells me that that there is deliciousness in the taste of “Green Eggs and Ham.”

Perhaps we need to believe in people and human compassion more, so there are more philosophical Green Eggs and Ham moments in our lives.

By Sarah Sanchez 

My to do list keeps on growing

So much to do, people to see

My life is one big schedule

Penciling in the places to be

I drive as my mind is spinning

Same route, another day

Home already? How did I get here?

I’m on autopilot, as they say

Just going through the motions

Living the routine that life will bring

Tired from the lack of sleep

Really, I’m tired from everything

I see that your lips are moving

But I can’t hear what you’re saying

I smile and nod like a robot

As my mind just keeps replaying

All the errands, events, and tasks

There’s always so much to do

My body is physically here

But mentally, I can’t pull through

I watch as the days go by

Reality seems like a haze

Where is the manual switch?

Time to leave these autopilot days

By Michael Armijo

There’s a song by Queen called “one year of love” that brings me peace. The song talks about how the singer who  had “one year of love, which is better then a lifetime alone.”

I’ve chosen to apply this song and this philosophy to my life and to the death of my friends.

At times I chose to sulk and miss those who were close to me and who are now gone, but I now reflect on how lucky I am to have had “many years of love” instead of “a lifetime alone.” I am very fortunate to have such beautiful memories when others have none. When others are left to walk this earth lonely and fearful.

Today marks the birthday of one of my closest and loving friends. I can cry about our past or I can remember how fortunate I am to have had so many years of love and friendship. I choose the latter.

It’s during these trying times our abilities and our philosophies are tested. And, I believe, how we spend this time of pain and reflection is a testimony of how strong and appreciative we are for that love and friendship. I also believe if we do sulk and wallow in pain, we are then insulting that friendship. We are ignoring that love. These people who are placed in our lives are placed there for a reason. We are fortunate to have such experiences and wonderful memories.

So today I will not insult the love I received from these individuals. Today I will appreciate that I was fortunate enough to have such valuable and pricelessness given to me. It’s just like giving a gift to someone: when you are given a gift, like a jacket or a warm scarf, you wear it and it comforts you when you’re cold and alone. You have that feeling of warmth and memory or their thoughtfulness with you. When that person is no longer in your life, do you throw out that jacket or scarf? Or do you keep wearing it and utilizing it for as long as you can? My friendships and loving memories should be the same: I will not discard them and throw them out by being hurt and feeling sad because they have left us against their will. I will not sulk and wallow in selfishness. I will not discard those wonderful and priceless times that enhanced my life and contributed to the success that I worked so hard to achieve and deserve. I will remember those precious gifts that were given to me and I will continue to wear them to warm my heart and comfort me during chilly times and loneliness.

So today I smile. Today I enjoy. Today I remember and cherish those wonderful gifts that were given to me to warm my heart and comfort me. And I will be thankful that I will, once again, have “one more year of love.”

By Anthony Saude

I can remember a time when my father was home, he was drinking but not yet drunk, he was in the driveway working on the car. The car was broken and needed to be fixed, right? What did I know, I was 12 years old and the neighborhood bully was chasing me around the car while he watched. Then my father yelled at me to come over to him and he gave me this profound advice, “stop running from that guy and kick his A**. We never discussed it again, we didn’t discuss much. I can also remember many times when I looked up and he wasn’t in the bleachers, or at the school assembly. I called him dad but when asked I told people he was my father so which one was he? Is there a difference in some letters that could possibly make a difference in the man?

Daddy is an easy word, a child’s first word, at least a reasonable facsimile of the word in many cases. Father is a little tougher to learn and not really used by kids today but is always acceptable. People will always say things like, “anybody can be a dad but it takes a man to be a father”. What does that even mean? I thought I understood what that meant and I was determined to live it out just like that. It made total sense: a “Dad” is made from one simple act but a “father” is the “dad” who is there for sports, school plays, long talks, vacations, weekends and everything in between throughout the child’s life.

I have had the pleasure of being both a dad/father and a step-dad/father and although they each have their own challenges my life was blessed twice as much as the next guy, at least that is the way look at it. I wish I could say that children could make us happy everyday of our parenting lives but what kind of Christian would tell such a bold face lie. Joy that is different though, joy is what our children can bring to our lives but you have got to want it and I mean really want it bad. If you do then our children can be the blessing we give to the world as praise and thanks to God for allowing us to raise one of his as our own.

I love food almost as much as I love eating it with my kids, for me that is where my heart gets filled with their joy. I know that it will be just us uninterrupted (no phones at the table is a valid rule) and we get a lot of world and family problems done while we share that time. Children are a gift that just keeps on giving, you get unconditional love, compassion, smiles, joy and fulfillment. Don’t get it twisted though you will also get a headache, backache, frustration, aggravation and undeniable exhaustion.

Fatherhood is no joke and isn’t for the faint of heart but it is like getting your favorite thing in the world for Christmas every morning of your life if you do your job. If you want it enough to study for the test it will be the most rewarding class in your scholastic career. Oh, it is school guys and what kind of impact you make on that child is your single most important decision you will need to make after you decided to bring a baby into your life. Funny thing is that I didn’t want children at all, not for one second. God had other plans for my life and once again His plans are always better than mine. Lucky for my children my father taught me “no matter what you do make sure to be the best” so I studied and I fought and I prayed and in the end all I really know is that I love them and they love me. It is enough for me and I hope it is enough for them. My only goal when I started this “dad” thing was to do better than my dad did with me and maybe save them some heartache. My prayer for my children is that they know I love them and that they are a better parent then I could have ever been.

You see, when your child is looking up at you and says father/daddy it doesn’t matter which one you want to be all that matters is that you are there when they look up. That was about the only thing I had figured out, I knew that figuring out the rest would take some time, study, tears and a few tons of grace from God but I wouldn’t ever leave those children. Two wouldn’t even know me as Dad but by my first name, Anthony, and that was fine with me because they were my step daughters and their father was still around. So which one does that make me, father or dad? I can only hope if you asked my children that question they would tell you I was able to be whichever one they needed me to be in whatever situation they needed it.

So, call yourself father, dad or JUST ‘Anthony” BECAUSE it REALLY doesn’t matter one bit to that child that is looking up at you remember always that they are also looking up to you. Trust me, what they call you when they are young will be far less important to you than what they think of you when they are grown. They don’t care what your name is, if your clothes are in style or even if you comb your hair. They will remember if you were there when they looked up to if you are there for that game, school play, skinned knee or just when they looked up.

Being a father is nothing you can be ready for but you can sure spend some time getting ready for the job. You have already taken the first step that you needed to take to bring that child into this world. If you are MAN enough to do that then you can be MAN enough to be a DAD or a FATHER. Trust me either will be fine to a child if you do it right. The rewards God will bestow on a man that is a Godly Father/Dad to his children rewards are, I am sure, unimaginable. SO DO ME A FAVOR, WILL YA? CALL ME THE F WORD PLEASE!!!

I love you Jacob, Jessica and Mireya thank you for all the grace you have shown me. Be strong and courageous you will need to be in the world that is waiting for you.

By Sarah Sanchez

In today’s society, doing things “faster” is always promoted. The latest phone is faster; Google Maps gives us the fastest route; the latest hard-drive is faster than the one befo’re; “get cash fast” emails are constantly sent; we want the weekend to come by faster; we want to know the quickest way to get promoted; we want work/school to end sooner, and on and on.  Basically, we are being told that faster is better.

We are so used to this lifestyle, that we don’t even realize how fast time is really going by. After my niece was born and I was an aunt for the first time in my life, I said, “I can’t wait until she gets older so I can play with her and watch her personality develop.” But now that she’s two and a half, I wish time would slow down. I can’t believe how fast she’s growing, and now I just want her to stop so I can enjoy her at this age. But I remember my first wish was that I wanted her to grow. Do you see the contradictions that we all come across in day to day life?

Society will always tell us to go faster, but I think we just need to take some time away from what society says – away from the busy routines – and just slow down to enjoy what’s happening in front of us.

When my husband and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary, we went on a cruise to Ensenada.  Here, we didn’t have cell phone reception or WIFI. We spent the weekend without phones and without social media. We spent this time talking with each other and enjoying each other’s company. When we came back, we had a new spark in our relationship, which we didn’t even know we needed.

My husband said that before we left, we were too caught up in our routine: work, dinner, sleep, and repeat. We were too caught up and focused on the future: house, future family, careers, etc. We needed time away from the world in order to gain a new perspective. We needed to slow down and appreciate the time we had with each other in the moment.

You may not have an opportunity to take a vacation, but you always have the opportunity to change your perspective. Instead of looking forward to tomorrow, take a moment to appreciate today. Stop, put the phone down, take a look around at your life and your loved ones, and enjoy the time right now. Then, cherish that moment, for these are the moments that make life worth living.

By Michael Armijo

As I stood in line last Thursday afternoon, I waited for my son so intently. Each parent I knew, who was waiting for their child to come to the attendance office at high school, I hugged. We didn’t need to explain why; we all just hugged.
When my son came to the office, he grabbed me. He held me like he did when he was 10. His hug told me that he loved me and appreciated me. He looked for comfort from the pain he suffered that day. His hug asked me to love him and reassure him, that he meant so much to us, as parents. He appreciated us just a little bit more and we did the same. Tragedy, right in front of his eyes, opened his perspective just a bit more.  His friend was gone, and he missed him.
Being a positive person, I have no choice but to look for good in whatever life gives me, regardless of the circumstances. Tragedy has once again struck our lives, but somehow I had to look for something good that was left.
When Brandon took his life in front of all his best friends, in the center of campus at the high school he loved, he brought us all so many gifts. He brought us so much light. That day I realized how much I loved my son, and that day so many parents loved their children more than they’ve ever imagined. That fatal day, so many of us really appreciated their weakened children. We appreciated all the things we overlook each day. The homework, the trash, their rooms, their grades, they were all irrelevant. For me, I was just happy I still had a son.
I believe that within all of our actions, regardless of the perception of others, there are gifts embedded within. My gift, from a young boy named Brandon, was to appreciate my son, to do the things that I haven’t been doing. Listen to him a little more. Appreciate him. Look at his bright spots, not his weaknesses. Enjoy his sense of humor, spend time with him alone. Love him as though it was his last day.  Because for Brandon, it was.
So, thank you Brandon, thank you for allowing me to feel my son’s grasp. Thank you for forcing me to look at my son and our relationship. Thank you for allowing me to love, and appreciate, my once little boy. Thank you for allowing other parents to hug one another with deep appreciation and love. Thank you for pushing them to love their kids just a little more. Thank you for bringing all those kids to church, because when asked why they were there on Sunday, they responded: “Because this is Brandon’s church.” The many gifts hidden within your actions have been discovered. They’ve been opened. They’ve been appreciated. We will keep them forever, because we will always, each day, open Brandon’s gift.

By Michael Armijo

After two children, I felt that it was time to think about our “child bearing years.” We had to make a decision: Should we have another child or should we hang up our parental days? Soon after, friends of ours were pregnant and we were excited about having children. And then something happened that changed our minds…

Down Syndrome is a genetic disorder that results in varying degrees of physical and mental retardation. The disorder occurs as a result of extra genetic material. In most people, the genes are contained on 23 pairs of chromosomes, for a total of 46 chromosomes. Most people with Down Syndrome have an extra copy of the No. 21 chromosome, for a total of 47 chromosomes. Scientists aren’t sure what causes the extra genetic material to be passed from parent to child, nor how the extra genetic material causes Down Syndrome. An estimated 1 in 800 infants is born with Down Syndrome. A woman’s chance of giving birth to a child with Down Syndrome increases with age. The chance of having a baby with this syndrome is: 1 in 1,250 for a 25-year-old woman; 1 in 378 at age 35; and 1 in 30 at age 45.

Our initial reaction to our friends having a Down Syndrome baby was shock; we wondered how this could’ve happen. We felt that this was a heartbreak, an unhappy time for our friends to have to endure, but now we feel differently…

Someone shared a story with me about a 10-year-old boy who thought he was going to Paris. He was so excited because he was originally from Paris and he was looking forward to being with people who were just like him. He had read about the wonderful experience of Paris and was prepared to do all the things people do when they get there. He boarded the plane, set his hopes high for the beautiful land and experience, but was tragically shocked when his plane landed in Holland. He wanted so bad to experience Paris, and to him, Holland was such a disappointment. But then he opened his eyes and noticed something special about Holland:

He noticed the beautiful land, the wonderful culture. He noticed that people were different in Holland than they were in Paris, but they were just as beautiful. They had a different lifestyle, a different way of life, a different outlook. They were special, and they saw things in a special way. To him, Holland was a fantastic place of uniqueness and joy, a land of unconditional love. He saw things that were just unimaginable in Paris, he experienced feelings he never knew he could experience.  This 10 year old boy fell in love with Holland, the culture was just so beautiful, far too incredible of an experience to ever forget.

I believe we need to think of each element in life before we pass judgment, or come to a conclusion. I believe that we need to understand what life means to people, as it holds different meanings to different individuals. What we may think is misfortune, can sometimes be opportunity. As my friend, who bore a child that is different from the majority of our world, now has the incredible opportunity to experience a love that others may never be able to understand. He and his wife will see life through the eyes of true believers of love, realizing what it really means to love a child, unconditionally, free from judgment. God has given them an opportunity to feel a life that others will never have the opportunity to experience. He will still love his child for his athletic ability, for his academic success, and for his professional goals, but on a different level of accomplishment. He will see his child excel, and he’ll always feel a childlike warmth of love from him. He will get the opportunity to really feel a different love from his child for his incredible emotions, his powerful hugs, his protected innocence, and his honest love. My friend will see life like a shining light directly from God. He will see, and experience, the gift of life as it was intended to be experienced, from the soul of his heart.

I can honestly say that I too see life from a different light. When I see that child and his loving smile, when I see him laugh with his powerful giggle. When his eyes light up with a pure sense of wonder, when his little hand fits into the palm of our own. When friends hold him and feel his incredible sense of care, when I watch them melt while he’s in their arms. Who would’ve thought that this little child, who is different than my own, would bring so much love into a life, a unique love greater than any other child could. This little bundle of joy has taught me so much about unconditional love.

So now I no longer judge others because of their difference, I first look at their beauty. I now watch for the opportunity instead of the circumstances. I look at the brightest way possible to overcome a once-thought-as-difficult situation. And with this philosophy, I now see a side of life that calls me to a different light. I now feel powerful smiles, warm hugs, and wonderful opportunity. And all of this, the joy, the love, the understanding, because of a simple little boy who now comes from Holland.

By Sarah Sanchez

It’s tough when a loved one passes away. I’ve been to four funerals in the last few years, and it seems like it gets harder each funeral.

When one of my dad’s best friends passed away suddenly two years ago, it was one of the hardest times for my family. Now with another one of my dad’s best friends passing away suddenly this week, it hurts my heart to see the pain all over again. Both were great men that we didn’t expect to leave so quickly.

Death is a hard thing to deal with, but almost everyone has experienced a loved one pass, so we all know how tough it is. The only message I wanted to leave you with is make sure you appreciate the time you have with your loved ones. Don’t hold grudges, don’t be angry, just let the past go. Kiss your loved ones goodbye every time you leave, tell them you love them constantly, and make time to see them regularly.

Someone once told me that it’s not that we don’t have enough time in the day, it’s that we don’t make time…So what are you doing with your time? We need to use that precious time to make great memories with our loved ones. When someone leaves this earth, we shouldn’t feel regret, and we don’t have to.

Make the most of today… because life may be different tomorrow.

By Michael Armijo

I stood there in the courtyard, I waited.  Her little eyes, her bright smile, her warm hugs, I was waiting for them all.  It would be just a few minutes before that bell would ring, it would be just a few minutes before my little love of life would run out smiling, wrapping her arms around me proclaiming, “Daddy, I love you.”

The bell rang and I stood there.  I watched, I waited.  I sought her out, but she didn’t show.  Hundreds of kids ran by and I made eye contact with each and every one of them.  There wasn’t a chance in life that she would’ve gotten by me.  My mind knew what she looked like, what she resembled, any similarities in her characteristics.  I was like a machine, scanning the crowd, like a robot with a mission.  I was waiting for someone who made my life complete, who I had given my heart to, who I trusted my feelings, my spirit, my life.

After the four hundredth kid passed me by, I felt a sensation of panic.  I felt a sense of fear.  I was afraid that I had lost one of the only things in life that I trusted, an entity in life that I knew loved me, unconditionally, and who would be there to the end.

When I felt that panic, when I felt the fear of losing someone I really loved, I wondered why?  Why did I feel so fearful, why was I so afraid?  Why did I feel such a sense of panic?  And then I remembered what had happened …

I remember my mother, my father, my family.  I remember how much they loved me, how they took care of me.  I remembered giving my eight-year-old heart to those who I thought I could trust.  And then I remembered how one day my life changed.  I still don’t recall how, and I still can’t understand why.  But for some strange reason, when I was growing up, my life was filled with love and joy, and then one day it was all taken away.  All that I knew as a child, all that I trusted, was ripped from my heart, and then ripped from my soul.  And no one explained to me why.

After the inconsistency of that environment, I found new love from girlfriends in high school.  And then they too, like my family, left me, and took parts of my heart with them.  I remember, at 16 years of age, standing in the aisle of Sav-on stocking shelves, while tears poured from my eyes.  I was hurt, I was devastated, I was alone. Again, someone whom I gave my heart to had taken a piece of my inner self.  And again, they left without a word.

It took so long for me to love again, to fully trust people, but somehow I did. I began to give my heart, or what was left of it, to others whom I felt I could trust.  I slowly began to rebuild my life, and finally I had.  Or so I thought…

The way I felt that day when I couldn’t find my daughter, that sleeping giant of fear woke up and looked around.  I remembered the pain, and the sorrow of how I felt, I remembered how much love hurt.  I guess that when I waited for her, those feelings of abandonment returned, and I was so afraid of losing yet another love in my life.  I didn’t have much heart left to lose, I couldn’t stand to go through what I had experienced so many times, and so many years ago.  But I faced those demons of fear and abandonment and grew from my pain.  I simply refused to let my past interfere with my future.  I’ve worked too hard to let irresponsible acts of yesterday interfere with what I’ve built today. That day, I found my daughter, and I faced my fears.

And as each day passes, I thank God for the opportunity to feel feelings and emotions that some people will never feel.  I thank God for being able to enjoy my life with a smile and a hug.  More importantly, I thank God for allowing me to understand that someday I may lose the ones I love, but not to fear, because today is the day I enjoy their presence, their love, and their joy.  And when they’re gone, I still have wonderful memories that I will make today, so that I can remember tomorrow.  And some day, I know God will give the world a beautiful place in their soul, like he has given me.  A place that sits in my heart free from past pain, free from fear and abandonment, and free from lost love.

By Michael Armijo

The other day I sat above the Tavern, where my counseling sessions are held, and again I have found useful knowledge. 

Like-kind quality people love the familiarity of others who match their emotional state. Subconsciously we seek out others who are feeling the same and having the same issues. In essence, they look for themselves. 

I know I’ve had a lot of emotion come my way lately in many different forms. 

From the standpoint of companionship, health, family, and recently the death of my mother, my emotions have been on a wild ride similar to an out of control rollercoaster. So I’ve found others who are also on this same ride and we hang on together. Consulting one another, giving each other free, bad advice. 

This is why I believe we need to seek out our emotions, discuss them, filtering out what’s relevant and what’s unnecessary. It’s our civic duty to force ourselves out of the darkness and into a brighter life.  

So just as the sun tries to burn it’s way through a cloud of sense fog, so must we. We need to continue to try to be an energy source to one another as we continue this realm of our lives. Because we may not always be aware of our journeys, as we sometimes  subconsciously seek and find our emotional instabilities.

By Sarah Sanchez

There’s a movie called Monster-In-Law that came out in 2005, starring Jennifer Lopez and Michael Vartan. The two actors play a couple that fall in love and are engaged to be married. But Michael’s mother, played by Jane Fonda, makes it a mission to tear the couple apart. She’s defined as the “Monster-In-Law”, as she goes to extreme measures to make sure her little boy doesn’t get married.

The movie was such a hit because many couples have been in similar situations with their in-laws; many probably consider them to be their “Monster-In-Laws”. In-laws have such a bad rep that new brides will often complain about her husband’s family (or vice versa). Maybe there is a mother-in-law that is too involved or too controlling, or a sibling that disapproves of the bride. Then, a division will be created because the groom suddenly has to pick sides between his bride and his family. Or maybe it’s vice versa and the conflict is with the bride’s family. The situations usually have one similarity: there’s a problem with the in-laws.

But I don’t believe this has to be the norm. The issue that couples don’t realize is that when two people get married, two worlds are colliding into one. There are two different families who were raised differently, act differently, and have different views than what the other is used to. It’s not bad, it’s just different; but we often think it’s wrong.

It’s easy to talk badly about the in-laws or cut them off completely after a disagreement. But as I wrote in a previous article called Ten Things They Don’t Tell You About Marriage, #4 states that “When You Say ‘I Do’, You Marry The Family Too”. The in-laws are not going anywhere. When you decide to get married, you marry your spouse and his/her family. They are now your family too.

That might be a scary thought for some of you and maybe even a deal breaker. But it doesn’t have to be. The way I see it is that we should be thankful to have our in-laws because it just means we have more people to love! Many people in this world don’t even have a family due to loss or unfortunate situations. But here we are with four potential avenues of family: our mom’s family, dad’s family, spouse’s mom’s family, and spouse’s dad’s family. That’s four sets of people that we have the opportunity to love, to get to know, and hopefully receive love from. We should put our differences aside and take advantage of these people placed in our lives.

Family is everything to me and I’m thankful to have so much family, both relatives and in-laws.

The day I married my husband was the day I gained a spouse, but it was also the day my husband’s cousins became my cousins, his aunts became my aunts, and his uncles became my uncles too. And when we have kids one day, my kids won’t know them as my in-laws or even Monster-In-Laws. They will know them as their aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. They will know them all as our family.