By Michael Armijo

I stood there in the courtyard, and waited.  Her little eyes, her bright smile, her warm hugs…I was waiting for them all.  It would be just a few minutes before that bell would ring, it would be just a few minutes before my little love of life would run out smiling, wrapping her arms around me proclaiming, “Daddy, I love you.”

The bell rang and I stood there.  I watched; I waited.  I sought her out, but she didn’t show.  Hundreds of kids ran by and I made eye contact with each and every one of them.  There wasn’t a chance that she would’ve gotten by me.  My mind knew what she looked like, what she resembled, and all her characteristics.  I was like a machine, scanning the crowd, like a robot with a mission.  I was waiting for someone who made my life complete, who I had given my heart to, who I trusted with my feelings, my spirit, my life.

After most of the children passed me by, I felt a sensation of panic.  I felt a sense of fear.  I was afraid that I had lost one of the only people in life that I knew loved me, unconditionally, and now, who would be there in the end?

When I felt that panic, when I felt the fear of losing someone I really loved, I wondered why. Why did I feel so fearful?  Why was I so afraid?  Why did I feel such a sense of panic?  And then I remembered what had happened.

I remembered my mother, my father, my family.  I remembered how much they loved me, how they took care of me.  I remembered giving my 8-year old heart to those who I thought I could trust.  And then I remembered how one day my life changed.  I still don’t recall how, and I still can’t understand why, but for some strange reason, when I was growing up my life was filled with love and joy, and then one day it was all taken away.  All that I knew as a child, all that I trusted, was ripped from my heart, and then ripped from my soul.  And no one explained why.

After the inconsistency of that environment, I found new love from girlfriends in high school.  And then they too, like my family, left me, and took parts of my heart with them.  I remember, at 16 years of age, standing in the aisle of Sav-on, stocking shelves, while tears poured from my eyes.  I was hurt, I was devastated, and I was alone. Again, someone whom I had given my heart to had taken away a piece of my inner self.  And again, they left without a word.

It took so long for me to love again, to fully trust people, but somehow I did. I began to give my heart, or what was left of it, to others whom I felt I could trust.  I slowly began to rebuild my life, or so I thought.

The way I felt that day so many years ago when I couldn’t find my daughter, when that sleeping giant of fear woke up and looked around – I remembered the pain, and the sorrow and I remembered how much love hurt.  I guess that when I waited for her, those feelings of abandonment returned, and I was afraid of losing yet another love in my life.  I didn’t have much heart left to lose; I couldn’t stand to go through what I had experienced so many times, and so many years ago.  But I faced those demons of fear and abandonment and grew from my pain.  I simply refused to let my past interfere with my future.  I had worked too hard to let irresponsible acts of yesterday interfere with what I had built for today. That day, I found my daughter, and I faced my fears.

As each day passes, I thank God for the opportunity to feel feelings and emotions that some people will never feel.  I thank God for being able to enjoy my life with a smile and a hug.  More importantly, I thank God for allowing me to understand that someday I may lose the ones I love, but not to fear, because today is the day I will enjoy their presence, their love, and their joy.  And when they’re gone, I will still make wonderful memories, so that I can remember that God has given me a beautiful place in my soul – free from past pain, free from fear and abandonment, and free from lost love.

By Toni Tantlinger

Some people start each day with an early morning jog. Others begin with a cup of coffee and a donut.
“Everyone knows that people are creatures of habit,” says wellness expert Scott Morofsky, author of the books “The Daily Breath: Transform Your Life One Breath at a Time” and “Wellativity: In-Powering Wellness Through Communication” (www.Wellativity.com).
“But too often, the habits we nurture are laziness, procrastination, self-serving biases, justification and rationalization.”
Such behaviors put people on a path to destruction, all the while making them look forward to the trip, he says. In the process, they are robbed of essential happiness and joy.
The trick to improving isn’t just by ridding yourself of habits, he says, but by replacing the bad ones with good ones.
“I really believe people can use practical methods to reprogram themselves for life-enriching habits and overcome any affliction they suffer from,” Morofsky says. “After all, we all know the things that hurt us and we know that we shouldn’t be doing those things. So why don’t we stop? Because we don’t know how to go about making these changes happen.”
For Morofsky, the key is for people to become conscious of something they take for granted – breathing. By conditioning yourself to improve the quality of your breathing, you do a better job of taking in oxygen. A lack of sufficient oxygen in our cells is known to contribute to many health issues, he says.
“The important thing to remember is you don’t need pills, potions, gadgets or gizmos to make a change for the better happen,” Morofsky says. “Your desire for a better life and a system that helps you achieve it are all you need – if you’re willing. It’s a matter of getting your mind, body and spirit working together in a practical way.”
He offers these tips to get started going into the New Year:
• Conscious breathing. Morofsky made conscious breathing the centerpiece of Wellativity, which is what he calls his personal method for helping people overcome afflictions such as obesity, smoking, lethargy, eating disorders and any other behavior that inhibits wellness. This is much like the advice people hear their entire lives to “take a deep breath” when they face stressful moments. “The core focus is conditioning ourselves to stay as connected to conscious breathing as possible and to clear away anything negative or detrimental,” Morofsky says. Breathing awareness in itself helps reduce bodily tension, improve rational thinking and increase oxygen to the entire body.
• All in good time. One of the most common pitfalls people face when they want to improve their lives is trying to do too much too soon, Morofsky says. That’s especially true with exercise or physical fitness programs, but it applies to other areas of life as well. It’s fine to be ambitious about trading bad habits for good, but don’t set yourself up for failure by creating unrealistic goals.
• Healthy boundaries. When you are establishing a healthier lifestyle, it’s important that you have healthy boundaries. “An alcoholic in recovery shouldn’t join the crowd at the bar while waiting for a dinner table,” Morofsky says. “A person with a gambling problem shouldn’t vacation in Las Vegas. As much as possible, when you are trying to trade bad habits for good, put yourself in the best position to be successful.”