Category Archives: Weekly News Columns

Happiness Is Free For Everybody

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops

They don’t sell happiness at the mall or online.  Happiness is free and available to all that want it.  Happiness is in those indescribable amazing moments.  Those moments that give you goose bumps and really let you know you are alive.  I call them as-good –as- it-gets moments.  I know the world feels hard but that doesn’t mean we can’t embrace the good and all the wonderful we have in our lives.  I think the secret to happiness is in feeling grateful every day for all that we are blessed with and not taking all the little miracles about life for granted.  The honor of being alive each day is truly a little miracle and an opportunity to be happy.

Take this moment out and take a moment to be grateful, to smile and to feel how you deserve to feel every moment of every day.  Now think about what you allow to steal your happiness and make a promise to yourself that you no longer will allow that anymore.  We all have hard pieces in our stories regarding our lives.  It’s in our reaction that we have the power.  Even though we have disappointments, loss, trauma and bad experiences we still have the power to decide we really want to be happy.  In fact in deciding we are going to be happy no matter what we are incorporating a fabulous coping skill into our tool boxes.  Learning to love yourself helps with feeling you are deserving of happiness every day.  Let go of the guilt and forgive yourself for whatever you have done.  Self-pity is also the root to unhappiness.  The past needs to be something that we all just learn from. The present is truly a gift and an opportunity to be happy each and every day. Make today the day you forgive yourself and set yourself free by choosing happiness!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  Nancy is now accepting new clients.  She also works as a motivational speaker.  Nancy runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups for teens and can handle many court mandated needs.  For more information about any of these services contact Nancy at (909) 229-0727.  You may e-mail Nancy at nancyjstoops@verizon.net. You may purchase Nancy’s books Live Heal and Grow and Midnight the Therapy Dog at Amazon.com.

 

A Small Box

By Mark Hopper

I think most husbands have difficulty finding gifts for their wife.  After many years of marriage, it is hard to think of something new and creative to give her. From a husband’s perspective,  most wives who have been married for 25 or 30 years have everything they need.  We have been married 45 years!  What else could she possibly need?

Since I wasn’t sure what to do,  I called one of our daughters and asked for some suggestions.  One idea she thought of was to give my wife theater tickets to a Musical that was coming to southern California in the spring. The nice thing about theater tickets is that my wife enjoys receiving them and she looks forward to the date we will actually use them!  The anticipation adds to the enjoyment.

Another suggestion was to give my wife a gift card to one of her favorite clothing stores so she could pick out a dress or an outfit herself.  That does eliminate the surprise factor but it does allow her to find something she likes. Finally in desperation, I decided to go to the Mall myself on the Saturday before Christmas and see what I could find.  I had a budget in mind and thought I would start in the jewelry department.  The Mall was crowded and parking was scarce, but I was determined to not leave without a Christmas gift for my wife.  After I finally found a parking space, I set out on my quest.

Since I had not been to the jewelry department in years, it took me a while to find it.  Several helpful clerks were waiting for me. I’m sure they know what a desperate husband looks like on Christmas Eve. I decided to lay my cards on the table and simply asked the clerk what could I buy within my budget?  I was surprised at how willing they were to help me.  They even had some items on sale within my price range. When I picked out the item I liked,  they informed me that the special reduced sale price wasn’t available until after Christmas. Bummer!  But, they assured me that they could check with their manager and see if they could sell me the item at the special after Christmas reduced price now.  Was this a scam?  Was I their next victim?  I held my breath.

Finally, the clerk returned with good news.  They were glad to sell me the item now at the after Christmas price.  It was within my budget and they even offered to wrap it.  Success!

Before they wrapped the little velvet box, they removed the price tag and gave it to me.  According to the tag, the original price was several times higher than what I paid.  I was impressed with my bargaining skills! I left the Mall with a gift in hand.  Like Julius Caesar said,  “Venti, vidi, vici” – “I came, I saw and I conquered”.

My wife was thrilled with her Christmas gift.  It was a winner.  She couldn’t believe that I would buy something this nice.  She was very pleased and very surprised.  Who was I?  Where was her real husband?? I managed to leave the price tag in an obscure place knowing that she would eventually find it.  When she saw it a few days after Christmas, she called me immediately and asked if I had really spent that much on her gift. I reassured her that she was worth every cent, but I tried to avoid telling her I that I had actually paid the after Christmas super discount price.  I hope you won’t tell her either. I hope your holidays were as much fun as ours.  Gift giving is a risky business.  It is hard to find the right gift for the woman who already has everything!  This Christmas was a winner!

Efree Church of Diamond Bar

3255 South Diamond Bar Blvd

(909) 594-7604

Sunday Services: 9:00 & 10:45 AM

EFreedb.org

Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

Dear Danice Akiyoshi,

My boyfriend and I moved in together 9 months ago. He is supposed to keep our cars clean and the outside of our house looking nice at all times.  He is also supposed to supply our dinner every other week.  My job is to keep the inside of the house clean and do the laundry and make dinner every other week.  We eat out on the weekend.  We share the rent and utility bills equally.  It was good for the first 3 months, but now he is turning lazy.  The outside of our house and our porch and back yard look bad and I’m getting tired of living on pizza and take out tacos every other week.   I cook for us and make nice dinners and our house is always presentable on the inside.  When I bring it up he says he doesn’t need a mother.  How can I get through to him?

 

Barb

 

Dear Barb,

No one is interested in being a nag or a mother to their significant other, so stop nagging and start meaning business.  If your boyfriend is no longer feeling it is important for him to keep up his end of the agreement then let him know that you are giving him notice that you plan to move out.  If in fact you have a lease, call the landlord and give him the required notice.  A boyfriend who doesn’t keep his agreements is not going to magically turn into a husband who keeps his agreements.  If he is interested in restoring harmony with you then he will make serious attempts to clean up his behavior so that the two of you can return to or reestablish a new agreement.  If he does nothing, then perhaps your relationship has reached its shelf life and your boyfriend was just too cowardly to tell you and is attempting to just wear you down and get you to be the one to breaks things off.  If this is the case, then the guy’s a coward and you truly should move on.  If he’s just lazy by nature then you have plenty to think about, but don’t allow anyone to turn you in to an ineffective nagging girlfriend.  There is no joy there. Express your concerns and mean business.

Good luck

Danice Akiyoshi ND

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@ candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com

Be Proud To Be Unique

By Nancy Stoops

I have always looked for the unique in this world.  Growing up I always heard how different I was and how differently I did things.  I take pride in being unique and not wanting to be ordinary.  For me, being unique has always given me a silent inner strength, never a weakness.

The media seems to frown upon being unique and tells us who we should be if we’re to be accepted.  The media tells us what we should look like, what we should wear, what music we should like, what shows we should watch and how we should act, if we are to be cool and well liked.  I believe we should look like ourselves, wear what is comfortable, listen to music and watch programs that make us feel alive and then we are truly cool and should be accepted by others.

It takes a very strong individual to believe in themselves when they not the average.  It’s hard to be different but it’s even harder to fight that difference all of your life.  Learn to embrace who you are and celebrate in being a one-of-a-kind.  Learn to understand that there is such inner peace in being who you are intended to be.  Take all the energy you put into trying to be different than who you are intended to be and use it to be the best one-of-a-kind you can possible be.

I see many unique people wasting their lives trying so hard to be average and to fit in.  I wish people could learn to embrace their uniqueness and understand that they are very special and being special is a gift.  So please don’t throw that gift away because then you throw the best part of yourself away and then you waste your life!!!!!!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger.    For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909)229-0727.  You may e-mail Nancy at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  You may purchase Nancy’s books Live Heal and Grow and Midnight the therapy Dog at Amazon.com.

 

Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

Dear Danice Akiyoshi,

My best friend has made a mess of her life and is in an alcohol rehab program.  I know she is having a hard time having a suspended license so I make a lot of time to spend with her and take her grocery shopping on the weekends and out to eat. She takes the train to work.  I notice that if I’m not available she hints that she’s lonely and needy and feels afraid that she’s probably going to drink and mess up her classes and sobriety.  She’s been doing real well so I hate for that to happen, but sometimes I’m busy with other things or people.  I feel guilty when I can’t help her.  I wish she had other people to count on besides me but she says everyone lets her down.  I don’t want to hurt her feelings either while she’s trying to stay sober but I can’t always be there for her.  I need advice.

B.A.S.

  

Dear B.A.S.

Why do you have the impression that your friend’s sobriety and success with alcohol rehab classes is in your hands or that it is somehow your responsibility for her to be successful?  Your friend sounds like she enjoys the role of being a victim while you take her sobriety seriously and contribute your personal time to her success.  She shows her appreciation by manipulating you into feeling like you’re not doing enough when you need a break from her and the constant tasking you do for her. Your kindness should not result in you feeling guilty.  This is a very bad set up for you.  Your friend is a manipulator.  She has no chance of having a healthy functional life until she takes responsibility for herself.  Do not assist her in staying weak.  Your type of assistance is very kind, but it will not get the job done.  She has to want this for herself.  Stop enabling her so she can tap into her own inner resources.  Of course you can still be helpful and friendly, but stop over functioning for your friend.  You cheat her out of finding her own personal strength.  People who are trying to stay sober need a strong and familiar relationship with their own personal power.  Explain to her that you can see that your efforts have not been totally helpful and ask her seek professional guidance when she’s feeling weak and needy.   Make it clear that you are not the right person for this job.

Good luck.

Danice Akiyoshi ND

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@ candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com

The End of the School Year is Near

By Nancy Stoops

 Another school is almost over and every student can’t wait until summer.  Finals still must be studied for and taken.  Help your student do their absolute very best up until the very last test is taken, paper is turned in and last day has come and gone.  Help remind your student that they still can help raise that grade.   I know they are burnt out and feeling restless but keep encouraging them to keep doing their best until the end.

As school draws to an end help them think about what they would like to do with their summer.  I know many students will be attending summer school to get caught up or to get ahead.  If you have a high school student this might be a good summer to start looking at colleges and maybe even visiting a few.  It’s never too early to help somebody plan their future.  Education has always been very big in our household.  My son is 35 years old and has his Doctorate degree and I think about how hard he has worked over the years.

I think teaching our child to want to do well in school comes a certain mindset that is instilled by effective parenting.  Helping our children understand that it’s not okay to get lazy or to quit but that we must work hard right up until the end can be taught.  Learning and getting a really good education can take us very far in this world and makes us feel good about who we are in this world. So remind your student that they still have finals, papers and projects to complete.  Let them know how good they will feel if they can hang in there and work hard right up until the end.  Talk about some of the fun things you have planned for them this summer to help encourage them to hang in there and do their best!!!!!

 

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  Nancy runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups for teens.  For more information about any of these services feel free to page her at (909).  You may e-mail Nancy at nancyjstoops@verizon.net. You may purchase Nancy’s books Live Heal and Grow and Midnight the Therapy Dog at Amazon.com.

Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

Dear Danice Akiyoshi,

My dad is a widower. He has 5 kids and I am his only daughter. He relies on me in lots of areas of his life. I’m the one he calls on when he is sick, has a banking dispute, doctors appointments, insurance or social security questions, gift shopping for other family members.

Last week I took him to his attorney to add a new asset into his trust and he was discussing with me how he wants his assets shared equally with his 5 children. He said he has never played favorites and that he always tried to keep everything equal. I had to bite my tongue and I find myself feeling angrier every day because things are not equal when it comes to taking care of my dad’s needs. It all falls on me. My brothers assume I will always be the one to handle everything and I am tired of it. I have a job and I’m busy too. Should I speak up? I don’t want to make waves, but if my dad wants things fair then I think our family needs some changes.

G. G.

Dear G.G.

I understand your irritation. You’re upset because you’ve allowed yourself to be taken for granted and underappreciated. This is happening because you are a poor communicator. We all reach a point in our lives where we have to take on the task of teaching others how we would like to be treated and what we will tolerate. When others don’t comply then they don’t get to share in our personal time and resources. Your time belongs to you. If you choose to share your time with someone other than your own dependants then you should look at that as a gift and the receiving person should view that as a personal favor.

I am in favor of helping loved ones and family members, but not if you feel deeply diminished in the process. Send a letter to your siblings asking for a family meeting. Explain how from this point on everyone in the family must pitch in when it comes to your father’s needs and errands. Create a schedule. If they cannot do their part when it’s their turn then it is up to them to arrange a replacement and this does not automatically fall onto you. It is not your responsibility to play this role in the family just because you are a female or kind hearted. Let them know that your dad expressed his desire for the family to operate in a fair and equal way. You are probably angry on some level because you realize you are betraying yourself. Your days are just as valuable as those of your family members. Remember this.

Good luck.

Danice Akiyoshi ND

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@ candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com

Focusing On the Good in Your Life

By Nancy Stoops

We all have stories about our imperfect lives and childhoods.  Many of us have survived tragedy and horrific events.  There are many times where life seems to test us and just feels very hard and overwhelming.  These are the times we have a hard time seeing all the good, we have in our lives.

I believe with each new day, we have another chance at happiness and finding the good in this life.  So take a minute or two when reading this article and think about all the things that are very good in your life.  Do you have people that you love and love you?  Do you have a family?  Do you have a job, a roof over your head, and food to eat?  Do you have a best friend that would do anything for you?  Are you here today reading this article, which would mean you are still alive?  If you answer yes to these questions then there is still hope for you.  You see just right now you have been able to see the good in your life.  Wow, look how lucky we are! And it’s just about focusing on the good in our lives.

Alright so maybe you have a very different life than you had planned.  Our lives very rarely work out as planned and many times end up even better.  Think about all that you have been able to do and become and all the people you have been able to influence in a good way.  I think if we focus on the good in our lives we can’t help but grow into who we are intended to be.  When we become who we are intended to be, our lives just don’t get any better and each day is heavenly!!!!!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  Nancy runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups for teens.  For more information about any of these services feel free to page her at (909)229-0727.  You may e-mail Nancy at nancyjstoops@verizon.net. You may purchase Nancy’s books Live Heal and Grow and Midnight the Therapy Dog at Amazon.com.

Looks Can Be Deceiving

By Mark Hopper

 

My wife and I have been to a number of different countries around the world.  Recently, we were in Central Europe.  It is beautiful.  The mountains are snow capped and the hillsides are lush and green.

Many of the buildings are hundreds of years old, especially in the older established parts of major cities.  Many of these buildings have been repaired and restored.  They look impressive and distinguished.

But, when you get up close, it is surprising to see that some paint or plaster has deteriorated.  It is surprising to find red clay bricks beneath the exterior facade. It is amazing to discover that many beautiful buildings, palaces and cathedrals are built with small, red, clay bricks! The craftsmen and engineers certainly did wonderful work.  But, hidden beneath the exterior beauty of these buildings are thousands of clay bricks cemented together. Looks can be deceiving!

There are passages in the Bible that instruct us to not base our opinion of other people simply on their exterior characteristics.  James warns us to not treat a person differently because of the new or older clothing they wear.  The Prophet Samuel was also warned to not draw conclusions based on a person’s size, strength or physical ability.

The Bible says that man looks on the outside, but God looks at the heart.  I wonder how often you and I are guilty of doing the opposite?  Do we form an opinion of a person by the clothes they wear or the color of their skin or by the kind of car they drive? I wonder if we disregard an older person because of the color of their gray hair or the number of wrinkles on their face? I wonder if we overlook a teen or young adult because of the clothes they wear and the way they talk?

Let me encourage you to not draw conclusions or form opinions of others because of their external characteristics.  We call this “prejudice”.  It means to pre-judge someone before you really get to know them. Let me encourage you to really get to know people.  Learn what is on the inside.  Listen to their words and opinions.  Observe their actions and see how they treat other people.  Look for the hidden qualities of their heart.  They will be glad you did and you will too!

 

Efree Church of Diamond Bar

3255 South Diamond Bar Blvd

(909) 594-7604

Sunday Services: 9:00 & 10:45 AM

EFreedb.org

Imagination

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops

I can remember gathering leaves of all colors and shapes, collecting sea shells and anything else that one might find in the water.  I would fill up my wagon with water and create an underwater adventure for everybody to enjoy with the use of a snorkel and mask.  My friends and I would put on singing and dancing shows for all the neighborhood to enjoy.  My brothers and I would create backyard carnivals for everybody to experience.  I was always playing dress up and had the ability to become so many different people.  This dress up play helped prepare me for all of the hats I have worn over the span of my lifetime.

I can remember my imagination was encouraged by my parents, family, and friends.  I credit that imagination for who I am today.  I credit my imagination for making me a creative thinker and a person that always thinks way beyond the box.  I know when I was raising my son, he always used his imagination in his play.  He would create the most wonderful lands in our living room.  His creations could make you feel as if you were transported to another world.  We would spend days playing in the worlds he created.  As an adult, my son Bryan is one of the most creative people I have ever met.  His imagination was encouraged and totally supported in every way.

Universities now are looking for the well-rounded individual.  I think helping your child develop their imagination is an important part of becoming well-rounded and learning to think for oneself and out of the box.  Imagination is such a crucial part of play but also a very important part of many careers.  Don’t allow technology to take the place of imagination.  Instead, find a way to incorporate both imagination and technology into your life and your child’s life.  Don’t be afraid to imagine.  Many times our imagination creates a path for our lives.

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  Nancy runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups for teens.  For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909))

229-0727. You may e-mail Nancy at nancyjstoops@verizon.net. You may purchase Nancy’s new books Live Heal and Grow and Midnight the Therapy Dog at Amazon.com.

 

Changing Times

By Pastor Mark Hopper

My grandmother was born in Boone, Iowa in 1896.  She died in 1978. She taught in a one-roomed country school house. Life sounded pretty simple in those days.

During her life time, she witnessed many changes.  She remembered seeing her first automobile.  She remembered electricity coming to her small farming community.

She remembered seeing her first airplane.  She remembered the invention of the radio and television.  There were so many advances in technology and science in her lifetime.

I’m sure she remembered the news of the first atomic bomb.  She lived through the days of the First and Second World Wars.  She would have known about the wars in Korea and Vietnam Nam.  All of these occurred in her lifetime.

And, I know she witnessed the space program from the launching of the first satellites to the landing of men on the moon in 1969.  Who could have imagined the changes during her life from the horse and buggie to a man on the moon?

The same could be said of our lifetime.  Who could have imagined all of the changes and advances in communication, travel and technology in our life time?

I remember my family getting our first TV in the 1950’s.  It was a small “black & white” TV with large “rabbit ears” for an antenna and a very limited number of channels to choose from.  Today, we have a flat screen TV with an unlimited number of cable channels to watch.  And, now you can live stream TV shows on your computer too.

Transportation has changed as well.  I wish I still had my first car.  I bought a used, two-door 1957 Chevy when I was sixteen years old…It was a gas guzzler with a four barrel carburetor.  Today, fuel injection has replaced the carburetor and many people are driving electric automobiles that can self-park!

I remember going to the airport to see propeller-driven planes.  The first jet passenger planes arrived in the 1960’s.  Now, modern jet airplanes can carry over 500 passengers from one continent to another.

The most amazing advances have been in communication.  When I was young, we had a telephone “party line” where four different homes shared one phone line.  It was a big deal when we could finally get our own private phone line.  Today, many people have abandoned a landline and simply use their cell phones.

Computers have changed our world.  In the 1940’s only the military had computers.  Later, large businesses began to use them.  By the 1980’s people could own a personal computer.  Today, we carry computers around with us and call them “smart phones”!

I wonder what changes are ahead for our children and grandchildren?  What advances will they see in travel and technology?  What new devices will improve their ability to communicate?  Only time will tell.

In the midst of all these changes, it is helpful to remember that God does not change.  The Bible speaks of His unchanging nature and attributes.  The Bible reveals God’s limitless power and knowledge.  He remains our firm foundation in a rapidly changing world.

Let me encourage you to dust off your Bible and read about God’s steadfast love and endless power.  Psalm 145 reflects on God’s power and majesty.  Take time to read and remember the One who made this amazing world we live in.

 

Pastor Mark Hopper

Efree Church of Diamond Bar

3255 South Diamond Bar Blvd

(909) 594-7604

Sunday Services: 9:00 & 10:45 AM

EFreedb.org

 

Straight Talk With Danice

“My best friend is bringing a lawsuit against my homeowners insurance…”

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi,

My best friend is bringing a lawsuit against my homeowners insurance because she fell down at my house when she got drunk at my Fourth of July street party. There was nothing dangerous in her path, she just had too many Margaritas and fell off her own high heels. She says she has to sue my homeowners insurance because she’s been getting therapy on her hip and knee and doesn’t want to pay for it. She said I’m being stupid for being mad because it’s just my insurance company and not me personally. I think I’m ready to discontinue this friendship. Am I too sensitive? This doesn’t seem fair. Jessica.

Dear Jessica, Your friend lacks personal integrity and the ability to take personal responsibility for her own actions. These are not qualities that most people enjoy in their friendships. If your friend had been injured on your property due to an unsafe condition then I would be totally on board for your homeowners insurance to become involved. This is not attractive behavior in my opinion. Yes, take her off of your guest list for future parties and move on. Holding a grudge over something like this would be a waste of your valuable time. Let your insurance company sort it out after you give them your side of the story.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@ candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com

Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

I dont want a gun- a letter from Evelyn

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Q: My husband has become very p a r a n o i d about all of the shootings that have been on the news. He owns several guns and he is always asking me to go with him to the shooting range to practice. I go with him so I can keep up my skills and I hope this will help him feel better, but now he wants me to choose a gun for myself. I do not want a gun for myself. I do not really feel comfortable with guns. I carry a taser device instead and I don’t want to go any further with my personal protection devices. He says he needs me to be prepared to protect our family in case he’s not home, but guns are not for me. I don’t want my own personal gun. I need your advice.

A: This is a personal choice. You have every right to make this decision for yourself. The fact that you accompany him to the shooting range and are willing to understand basic gun operations in order to protect your family is quite cooperative of you. If you don’t choose to be a gun owner yourself, state that firmly to your husband. Let him know that you’ve agreed with and taken the proper steps to back him up in an emergency but you are just not willing to take it to the next level of purchasing a gun for yourself. If he pressures you, then point out that he is acting in a way that is similar to the people he fears.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com

Playing Catch

By Pastor Mark Hopper

On a recent trip, my wife and I were able to visit some of our out-of-town grandchildren.  They have grown up so much since we saw them last summer.  It was delightful to spend time with them.

One grandson specifically requested that I bring a baseball and a glove so that we could play catch together.  He has a glove and a ball, but you need two to play catch.  I was glad to oblige.

One day we grabbed our gloves and a well worn baseball and walked to a nearby field.  It wasn’t a traditional baseball field.  It didn’t have a back stop, pitcher’s mound or bases.  But, it was covered with green grass and bright colored yellow wild flowers.   It looked more like a mountain meadow that a baseball diamond.

We started to play catch.  While we tossed the baseball back and forth, and we talked.  We talked about the weather and if it was likely to rain today.  We talked about how beautiful it was with the fresh green grass and beautiful flowers covering the field.

We talked about some of the unusual rules that there are in baseball.  For example, when you are batting and the catcher drops the ball on a third strike, you can still run to first base.  There is a rule that says if you bunt the third strike into foul territory you are automatically out.

There is a rule that says if the pitcher hits the batter with the ball, the batter automatically gets to go to first base.  And, there is another rule that says if a batter hits the ball over the outfield fence it is a home run, but if the ball bounces over the fence it is only a double.

We also talked about life.  We talked about what it was like to be nine years old.  We talked about his school and what he was learning. We also talked about his friends and what they are like.

I’m sure we talked about a lot more things.  We played catch for quite a while.  It was relaxing and casual.  He dropped a few throws but he caught most of them.  My grandson is a pretty good ball player.  Who knows, maybe he will be in the majors one day.

But, regardless of what the future holds, I will remember playing catch with my grandson for a long time.

Let me encourage you to make a plan and take some time to spend with someone special in your life.  It is not the activity that matters but spending time together.

Is there someone who has been asking you to do something with them recently?  Have you put it off because you are too busy to do it right now?  Don’t let the opportunity pass you by.  Make a plan and set aside some time to do something soon.  You will be glad you did and they will too!

 

Pastor Mark Hopper

Efree church of Diamond Bar

3255 South Diamond Bar Blvd

(909) 594-7604

Sunday Services: 9:00 & 10:45 AM

Efreedb.org

 

 

Spreading Good In The World

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops 

I am very blessed in that, as a therapist, I help people heal and then allow them to become the best version of themselves.  This is truly why I was put in this world.  As awesome as my life’s work is, please don’t underestimate the power that you all have in this world.  Every morning when Midnight – my dog – and I are doing our miles of walking we always run into people in our neighborhood.  It always amazes me how when they see Midnight they smile and when I say hello and wish them a beautiful day they light up.  It’s in the moment of connection with another being that we all have the chance to spread the good in our world.

You may not be a therapist, but each and every day you all have the power to spread the good in the world.  Saying hello and wishing somebody a beautiful day can make somebody’s entire day.  It’s such a simple act of kindness and goodness and you don’t need lots of letters after your name to do this.  I chat with the crossing guards as they help Midnight and I make our way safely across the street.  I chat with my neighbors and everybody I can.  I wish them some good and they smile.  It’s about giving the gift of joy and spreading the good and ultimately changing somebody’s day.  If you and I offer this gift, then hopefully they will pay it forward.

Yes I am an optimist, and I do have faith that we can change this world for the better.  It starts with you and me and even Midnight.  Together we can spread the good and help everybody understand that they have the power to make our world a better place.

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger.    For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727.  You may e-mail Nancy at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  You may purchase Nancy’s books Live Heal and Grow and Midnight the Therapy Dog at Amazon.com.

Designing Your Own Life

By Nancy Stoops

Do you let everybody else run your life?  Do you feel as though you have no choices and that life can’t ever get better?  What is it that seems to keep you stuck?  How many times have you asked yourself these questions?  Let’s see if we can’t answer a few of them.  I think we let others run our lives because we feel that we don’t know how to, and, out of fear, we allow others to run things for us.  In terms of feeling, we seem to have no choices. As a therapist, I think this way of thinking is a bad habit that limits our expectations so that we do not have full faith in ourselves.

I believe we stay stuck because we get comfortable, even if we are miserable.  It also takes a lot of energy to change, and many times we don’t want to put forth that kind of energy.  The alternative is to do nothing and to just stay stuck.  Sometimes, we ask ourselves the same questions over and over, and at the time, we tell ourselves this time we will finally change.  I believe people mean it at the time they say this, but then they become complacent when it comes to actually doing the work involved necessary to get where they want to go.

Stop assigning blame to everybody else and everything else other than yourself as to why you don’t have the life you want.  We all have things that get in our way of our journeys, but it’s also up to us to overcome that adversity that stops us dead in our tracks.  I get so tired of people telling me they can’t when I know they can if they tried harder and fought for the life they want.  People are always putting off having the life they want by telling themselves once they get though this or that, life will improve and be what they want it to be.  The truth is that all they are really putting off is…. life!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  Nancy runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups for teens.  For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909)229-0727.  You may e-mail Nancy at nancyjstoops@verizon.net. You may purchase Nancy’s books Live Heal and Grow and Midnight the Therapy Dog at Amazon.com.

 

A Personal Touch

By Pastor Mark Hopper

 

It seems that whenever you call a local utility or cable provider, you get voice mail.  The voice on the other end of the line seems cheerful and friendly, but it’s just a computer that you’re talking to.

Recently, I called my local cable company to request a reduction in my monthly payment.  The friendly voice asked for my account number and other personal information.  After I entered the information the computer requested, I assumed I would be connected to a service representative.

But that was not the case.  Now the computer wanted to know why I was calling.  Did I need service or sales?  Did I have a technical problem, or did I have a problem with my billing?

My best strategy is to ask for “service” or just say “help.”  I repeat this over and over again into the phone, but the computer tries to cut me off and ask me additional questions.  I keep saying “help” and “representative,” hoping I can talk faster than the computer voice.

Then, the computer says, “I see you want to talk with a representative.”  The computer continues by saying, “If this is correct, press one. If this is not correct, press two.  I press “1”.

Finally, I have a real person on the phone.  He greets me enthusiastically.  He seems genuinely interested in my situation.  He wants to solve my problem.

I wonder if it wouldn’t be easier and faster if a real person had answered my call in the first place.  Why do I need to talk with a computer for five minutes when I still need a real person to solve my problem?

It is true that computers do help make our lives easier and our banking faster.  Computers can provide navigation for our cars and provide information at our finger tips.

But, there are some things that computers cannot do. There are problems that computers cannot solve.  We still need people.  People helping other people.

Let me encourage you to be more alert and aware of the people in your life.  Your co-workers family members and classmates are vital in your life.  Why not express your appreciation to some of them this week?  Tell them how much you appreciate their encouragement and support.  They will be glad you did and you will too.

 

Pastor Mark Hopper

Efree Church of Diamond Bar

3255 South Diamond Bar Blvd

(909) 594-7604

Sunday Services: 9:00 & 10:45 AM

Easter Services: 8:30 / 10:00 / 11:30 AM

EFreedb.org

 

Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

Dear Danice Akiyoshi ND,

I find myself feeling really restless in my marriage.  My husband is a very nice man, but my requests to add more excitement into our relationship are being ignored.  He seems very uncomfortable when I bring up the subject of improving our romantic life.  I notice that he buys me more gifts and takes me to nice dinners when I complain, but that’s not what I’m after.  I want more intimacy.  He is healthy in every way and so am I.  My sister said that this is what happens after 12 years of marriage. I don’t want to believe this is true and that things will get steadily worse.  He seemed uncomfortable with the idea of getting counseling.  He said we are fine and that he’s just been tired lately.  I worry that he no longer finds me attractive even though I’ve worked very hard to stay fit and healthy.  I don’t know what to do.

C.L.

 

Dear C. L.

You say you have tried to communicate your needs clearly to your husband and he is not taking you seriously. Is this the way your relationship works in other areas too, or just in the intimacy department?   Give it some thought. Maybe you’ll see that there is a pattern in other areas of your relationship where you are being ignored.  If in fact you have communicated clearly that you feel dissatisfied with the degree of intimacy in your marriage, your husband should be on red alert and strive to remedy that situation promptly.  If you are both healthy then there should be no problem spicing things up a bit.  If your husband is content in allowing you to feel insignificant to him then he has some ugly trouble awaiting him in his future.  The fact that you took time out to write to me means you are not going to deal well with being ignored, nor should you.  This is the time to get some serious conversations started before you find yourselves in jeopardy, and while you still love each other.  Do not wait.  Seek assistance if you need to, but I urge you to aggressively address this issue before you end up dealing with many more serious problems.  At this stage things can be turned around pretty quickly if the love is there.

I wish you the best of luck.

 

Danice Akiyoshi ND

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Everyday Mindfulness

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops

All we seem to be hearing about is “being mindful” and the benefits that come from it.  Be mindful involves being in the moment, being totally engaged in what you are doing.  For example, let’s say you are mindfully walking your dog.  As you walk, you really pay attention to the rhythm of your feet as you take each step.  You’re not thinking about anything; you’re just fully present and engaged in the action of the walking.  This idea of being fully engaged is the idea of being mindful.  You’re not thinking about what you will be doing after the walk or anything else; you are just fully absorbed in the walking.  This mindfulness should be incorporated into everything that you do all day long.  When you are mindful all day long, you are really putting yourself in a calm meditative state of being.

As I research pain management and meditation, I’m finding that mindfulness lowers pain because when we are fully present we are focused on what we are doing in each moment.  When we do this, we almost forget about the pain because we aren’t giving it our attention anymore, so our brain turns the volume down on the pain.  The stress of pain and all the worry about pain actually turns up the volume of the pain in our brains.  When we are mindful and less anxious, focused on the doing of the present moment, our focus is shifted; therefore, our brain turns down the volume of our pain.  So by being mindful, l we actually are able to manage the volume or intensity of our pain.

Practice being mindful with each chore or activity you do.  You will be amazed how your body starts to relax.  You will be amazed how you have less pain and are able to focus better.  I think of mindfulness as a kind of meditation for the everyday person.

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  Nancy is now accepting new clients.  She also works as a motivational speaker.  Nancy runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups for teens and can handle many court mandated needs.  For more information about any of these services contact Nancy at (909) 229-0727.  You may e-mail Nancy at nancyjstoops@verizon.net. You may purchase Nancy’s books Live Heal and Grow and Midnight the Therapy Dog at Amazon.com.

Golfing Fore The Kids

By Pastor Mark Hopper

 

I enjoy playing golf.  It requires skill, luck, and perseverance.  Many life lessons are found in golf:   how to overcome adversity; how to build character; how to help and encourage your fellow players.

Another nice thing about golf is that you can play the game throughout your life.  I enjoy seeing a mom or dad spending time on the putting green with their young children.  My son and I started playing golf together when he was in middle school and we still enjoy playing golf together today.

It is also nice to see golf teams from local high schools on the golf course.  Although each player keeps his or her own score, they compete as a team against other schools.  In fact, my own son is the boys’ golf coach at his high school.  This is his third year.

This year I am the co-chairman of our annual Walnut Valley Rotary Club – Diamond Bar Community Foundation golf tournament.  These two service organizations put this annual golf tournament together to raise funds that benefit children and youth in our local community.

The DBCF contributes funds for youth sports fields, academic scholarships, fine arts programs and much more.  The Rotary Club of Walnut Valley supports youth speech and music competitions, youth leadership camps and holiday food and toy distributions.  Both organizations make contributions to our local schools and both give away thousands of dollars each year to benefit children and youth in Diamond Bar, Walnut, and Rowland Heights.

Our annual “Golfing Fore The Kids” tournament will be on Monday, May 8th at the beautiful Western Hills Golf Course.  We are looking for more golfers to participate in this event.  The cost is $150 per player.  This includes 18 holes of golf plus Subway breakfast sandwiches, Chick- Fil-A chicken sandwiches, and a mid-afternoon dinner in the Western Hills dining room.

Participants will have the opportunity to win a new Car at the Hole in One par three.  Numerous raffle items will be given away at the end of the tournament.  It will be a great day to enjoy with your fellow golfers on this luxurious private golf course.

In addition, we are looking for more sponsors to support this community event.  Over the years, many local businesses and corporations have given financial support to this event.  Individual sponsors have also contributed to Golfing Fore the Kids.

You can learn more about “Golfing Fore The Kids” at the Diamond Bar Community Foundation web site.  Golfers can register online, too.

Please mark your calendar now and register this week to enjoy a wonderful day of golf on May 8th at the Western Hills Country Club. Check out our web site for all the information.  Invite some fellow golfers to join you for a memorable golf experience.  They will be glad you did and you will too!