By Michael Armijo

The holiday season brings many positive memories, but it can also remind me of the painful ones, too. The season is filled with family and friends, but when they are gone the pain of their absence has a tendency to sink in.

Friends have reminded me that you cannot live in the past, but I remind them, “The absence of those close to us who have passed away isn’t in the past, it’s in the present.”  Since they were always around to share their love, their absence leaves our hearts aching for their presence on a daily basis.

There are mile markers:  the first summer they weren’t here to share with us; the first Halloween they weren’t here to dress up in a costume I could make fun of; the first time I didn’t receive the usual Thanksgiving invite; and the first Christmas I didn’t have to go in search of the perfect gift.

Now, on this New Years Eve, I will struggle without the “I love you, man” drunken phone call exactly at 12:01 am.

Every year for the last 17, I was privileged enough to have someone in my life who shared those things with me:  their life, love, passion, experiences, hope, and feelings.

I know today is a new day, and I believe that I am not alone. But when those who share their life with you and give you the feeling that they will love you regardless of your many faults, failures, and shortcomings leave this earth, you cannot help but feel their absence. A piece of you that had confidence and support is now gone.  An entity of your life’s confusing and rollercoaster-like existence is gone.

It feels like your dysfunctional life is like a puzzle, with some critical pieces missing.  So you try to find those pieces through other relationships, through new loves and old friends; through random acts of kindness and honesty.

But sometimes it feels like those pieces – which you’ve worked so hard to replace – have somehow deteriorated; vanished; dissolved in your hands.  You’ve tried to stop it, but it became physically impossible. You’ve tried to “will it” differently; “wish it” to reverse. You’ve tried to close your eyes and wake up from a bad nightmare. But each day that bad dream again becomes a harsh reality.

So I call each day, with or without friends, a day at home. Those that were loved and lost had earned a place in my heart; a room in my self-fabricated, non-dysfunctional home.  But now that they’re gone, I feel a bit lonely, and a bit to myself.  And I just can’t stop that feeling that I was left completely by surprise, and left to feel Home Alone.

By Sarah Sanchez 

I am a nobody

I will never think

I am worth something,

I have no talents

I can’t believe that

I have a purpose,

In this life

I am ugly

I will never say

I am beautiful,

I am alone

I will never feel that

I belong,

God made a mistake

I will never believe

I am good enough to live,

The way I feel about myself:

I need to change

(Read each line from bottom to top to read the truth)

Attorney With Rare Genetic Disorder Hopes To Inspire Others

By Toni Tantlinger
Cary M. Berman arrived in the world 52 years ago already saddled with a rare neurological disease.

He was well into adulthood before it was confirmed that he suffered from Late-Onset Tay-Sachs (LOTS), a genetic disorder that leads to damaged cells and a steady deterioration of muscle control. He was one of 250 in the world when diagnosed with LOTS, and it explained lots of medical challenges that he encountered in his life.

Usually, symptoms start with clumsiness and weakened leg muscles. Over time, there is more loss of mobility, which can lead to the need for a cane or wheelchair. Speaking and swallowing difficulties also can emerge. There are also psychiatric consequences in 50 percent of the patients with LOTS.

“Basically, my medical challenge has brought imbalance and chaos to every aspect of my life,” says Berman, who tells his story in “Genesis: Born with Tay-Sachs” (www.livingwithtaysachs.com). “My challenge has been to bring balance back into my life.”

Like many who suffer from Tay-Sachs, Berman concentrates on strategies for managing life with the disease because a cure does not exist, though research is ongoing.

Tay-Sachs is caused by a missing enzyme, hexosamindase A. Three forms of the disease exist, according to the National Tay-Sachs and Allied Diseases Association. They are classic infantile, a fatal version where babies show symptoms at about six months; juvenile, which most often appears between ages 2 and 5; and late-onset, the version Berman has, where the symptoms usually appear in late adolescence or early adulthood, though can appear later.

French Canadians, Louisiana Cajuns and people of East European Jewish descent are considered high risk. Berman is Jewish.

Berman says he has been able to do battle with his medical condition with the help of his family, friends and faith. His stubbornness also doesn’t hurt.

“When someone tells me I can’t do something, I want to do it,” says Berman, who worked as an assistant public defender in Illinois for 27 years before his disease sidelined him.

He hopes that by sharing his experience, he can inspire others who face difficulties.

“Everyone in life has at least one challenge to address,” Berman says. “It might have to do with health, finances, family or something else. But I think there are some common approaches that apply for overcoming adversity of any type.”

He offers these suggestions:

• Take control. This is no time to accept defeat. “I believe in taking active control of your life rather than approaching challenges in a passive fashion,” Berman says. “Don’t just sit back and let things happen to you. Yes, the challenge you face may be extremely difficult, but you need to be a catalyst in your own life, making the bad situation better.”
• Maintain a good mental attitude. Perhaps nothing is more important in dealing with challenges than mental attitude, Berman says. To nourish a positive attitude, he often pushes himself to attempt things outside his comfort zone, such as when he learned to rock climb in Thailand.
• Embrace friends and family.  Having a support network makes all the difference, because everyone needs others to lean on in times of trouble, Berman says. “Without a doubt, the most powerful and important relationship I have is with my wife, Carmen,” he says. “She is my best friend and most trusted confidant.” But friends can come in all sizes, races, genders and backgrounds, and his certainly do, he says.

Berman believes that “The most successful person is the one who can deal with adversity effectively.”