By Melody Kraemer

Living with autism isn’t just part of my life. It’s my world. I don’t think much about it, it’ just what I do. I am a mother of 2 autistic boys.  I sometimes forget that people are not aware of what autism is. I have been asked many questions throughout the years regarding “autism.”

I would like to share the most asked questions and statements I have experienced over the years. These are just a the most asked out of the many questions I have been asked.

1. Will they outgrow it?

Answer: No. But I can do everything in my power to help them to have a fulfilling life.

2. Why is he flapping/spinning like that, how much sugar have you given him today?

Answer: Not much, he has autism, its part of his autism. He’s expressing himself.

3. My sister’s nephew’s cousin has a boy with autism, so I know all about autism and what you are going through.

Answer: No, you really don’t because every autistic child is unique just like all children are unique.

4. Are you sure he has autism, he looks normal?

Answer: What is normal? Is he supposed to have a tail?

5. How did you know he had autism?

Answer: The Doctor told me

What made you take him to the Doctors in the first place?

Answer: Concerns. His nonverbal, nonsocial behavior, sensitivity to noise, food, and touch.

6. Did you know before he was born that he had autism?

Answer: No, autism was not detected in the womb.

7. What do you think happened that caused him to have autism?

Answer: I can’t answer that, nobody really can. I don’t know. According to austimspeaks.org. 1 out of 59 kids has autism.

8. Is autism contagious?

Answer: No, it’s not. Your child will not catch autism from my child.

9. Does he go to a special school for kids like him?

Answer: He’s in a public school, in the autism program.

10. Where does the autism come from? Does it run in the family?

Answer: No, it does not run in our family.

This is just a handful of the questions an autism parent will be asked at least one time if not many times. I try and smile through the many questions I get on a daily basis. All I hope for is my children to be accepted and others to have the understanding and awareness of autism. If others become more aware of autism these questions would get asked less and less.

Melody is a mother, wife and small business owner. You can find her and community events on her online newsletters: Macaroni Kid Eastvale and Riverside.

Photo Courtesy: Skitterphoto.com

By Anthony Saude

She wasn’t from around here, here she didn’t know anybody or even speak the language, but here is where she was to stay. Her feelings or opinion about the situation were negligible at best, after all she was just a little girl and kids get over it.

Life hadn’t been easy for her; it had been a very long 11 years. Not to worry, she is resilient; after all she is just a little girl. She had grown up without her father; he took his own life when she was very young. It is a good thing that she was just a little girl, she will get over it. The grown- ups make promises of a better life, in a better place, it will be fine she is just a little girl.

She has a new father now and things seem to be moving towards the promises the grown-ups made, hope is something she can believe in now. Tragedy strikes again and she loses another father in her life to death. She is young still, practically a little girl; she has her whole life ahead of her, she will be fine. The story is much longer but she was never the same and she isn’t a little girl anymore.

She was born in a land she knew, had a lot of friends and family loving on her since the day she was born. Life hadn’t been hard for her but her parents did divorce when she was young, not to worry though she was still just a little girl, it would be fine. Her mother remarried, not to worry she will get used to him, after all she is just a little girl. She isn’t fine, they aren’t fine, and they are no longer just little girls.

Life isn’t perfect they know this but does it have to be so overwhelming at times. How did she get here they sometimes wonder together silently in their own heads. The little girl from the distant land looks at the little girl from this land and gives thanks to the heavens for her daughter and her life. The little girl from this land is just thankful that the little girl from another land is her Mommy.

By Anthony Saude

Marriage will always be something different than what was imagined, no matter how “ready” we are. The family is the latest addition to a long list of manmade endangered species. This has been happening for decades now, slowly sneaking up on us like a black cloud. Telling us that things just weren’t made to last forever, love and happiness are the same. You can’t have one without the other so make sure you have that escape hatch in your sight at all times.

Isn’t it interesting that less people are getting married these days because of they have been enlightened and educated in the field of happiness. Even though all of this “new” information has come to light in society today, divorce rates don’t change. The effort from men and organizations of men it will take to save the family in this environment will have to be monumental and all encompassing.

We save trees, whales, seals and bears. We protect fish, mice, birds and speech with a vengeance, as though our life depended on it but we bail on our families because we are “unhappy”. It seems we are more concerned about our own selfish feelings than the people that we are sitting across the table from. These are the very same people that we chose, of our own free will, to be the people sitting across the table from us.

Marriage will be something different, it will be something new and it can be a great adventure, if you let it. It will be a great teacher about the important things in life if you decide to be a great student. Of course you can always take the easy way out nobody can stop you. Life is choices.

By Anthony Saude

There are many things in this country and the world that will make you scratch you head and wonder, “what the heck is wrong with people.”

There are many things that start working on our mind the minute we wake up every morning.

There are many things that could continue to work on your mind all day and all night until you go to sleep, if you can sleep that is.

There are many things that can and can make us sad, mad, bitter, and anxious and a host of other thoughts or feelings that can confirm how ugly we feel about life or ourselves.

There are many things in this beautiful country and world that will make you scratch your head and wonder, “how are these people so positive and happy all the time” (what the heck is wrong with people)

There are many things, to be thankful for that can start working on our minds the minute we wake up every morning. (waking up at all)

There are many things that could continue to work on our minds all day and all night until we go to sleep. (how beautiful our country and world are, God made another day etc…)

There are many things that can make us happy, loving, compassionate and encouraging to others today and the days ahead.

THERE ARE MANY THINGS to chose from both positive and negative in this beautiful thing we call life. What day will you chose to for yourself to have today?

By Michael Armijo

I’m convinced that deep inside our hearts we all possess the ability to be successful. I rely on a simple formula: “Confidence + Desire = Ability.” I believe that when we have confidence, and then add our desire, we find the path to ability. And I believe that each and every one of us can accomplish whatever we want, just as long as we have desire. But it has to come deep from within.

What I’ve also learned is that not everyone shares the same definition of success that I do, and I’ve learned that what’s important to me is not important to others.

As a motivator, I want the entire world to apply themselves and work hard to be on top. I want to encourage everyone to do their best and step up to their inner ability. But I’ve come to the realization that sometimes we have to really look clearly at the big picture, because sometimes our goals are the same. It all depends on how you look at it.

This brings me to a story I’d like to share, a story called:

The Mexican Fisherman

An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked.

Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The fisherman replied, “Only a little while.” The American then asked, “Why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more fish?” The fisherman said, “With this I have more than enough to support my family’s needs.” The American then asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?” To which the fisherman replied; “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take a siesta with my wife, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life.”

The American scoffed; “I’m a Harvard MBA and I could help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman, you would sell directly to the processor; eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing, and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angeles, and eventually New York where you will run your ever-expanding enterprise.”

“But what then?” asked the fisherman. The American laughed and said: “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich. You would make millions.”

“Millions?…Then what?” the fisherman asked.

The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”

What this story reminds me is when you’re searching for success in life, you need to determine what success means. Just as the fisherman believed in his simple life, we need to look at the simplicity of what we really want. At times, we may find, we don’t need to look too far for success because sometimes we’re already successful. Some of us, deep inside, are simple, happy, already successful Mexican Fishermen.

Fear is such a strong emotion that it can actually take over our lives, until we die if we let it. Fear is funny even to talk about because we don’t really think about how many levels there are. That is why it goes undetected in our lives.

Fear is funny; think about it, people can fear both failure and success. The same person can fear both without even being aware that is what is going on inside of their minds.

Fear is funny; we fear abandonment then we get married, have children and increase our odds of it happening.

Fear is funny; we can become addicted to substances due to fear of our reality and also fear of the pain getting healthy enough to deal with reality.

Fear is funny; we don’t tell our spouse something out of fear they will get angry or worse and then yell at them for doing the same thing.

Fear keeps us from becoming the person God intended us to be. We are born with a spirit of courage and boldness. The world will always do it’s best to replace that with fear and intimidation. We have to stand tall in the face of fear so that our sons and daughters know what standing tall looks like. Then when fear inevitably enters their mind they will know how to push through the pain and turn their fear into positive energy. I have always said fear and excitement both produce adrenaline how we use that energy is up to us.

Fear is funny; we fear facing our fears as well as we are told don’t run from your fears. Overcoming fears is never an overnight process and it takes practice, intentionality and perseverance. Of course life would be easier if we just played it safe everyday in our professional, personal and marriage relationships but what fun would that be. Do something completely terrifying every day.

By Anthony Saude

My job is a wreck, my marriage is a wreck, my relationship with my family is a wreck, wow I guess my entire life is a wreck. How many people are thinking one or more of those things right now? Daily? That is a lot of pressure for anybody even though it is never all unwarranted. Our answers? If only I made more money, or I had a better boss. If only my spouse treated me better, my family are a bunch of wackos anyway.

This is where joy has to come into play in our lives. How do we get joy? Well Jesus is the easy answer but we still have to think about the positive effect He has had on our lives. Not always easy based on our circumstances.

Think about these answers for those very same questions; I have a job and endless resources to find one I like better while I am working here. My spouse seems unhappy; I wonder what I could do to make their life a little easier today. I have a family, a lot of people don’t, and they love me. Are we not all our own little special kind of crazy anyway?

Is our life really a wreck or is it us that is the wreck? If so what can we do today to start moving in the right direction? It will take practice but you can start with this thought; if our lives are a wreck then the world we live in is a train wreck. Get off the train and work harder on the positive than you do on the negative. One step at a time, run only after you are able to run. What decisions we make today fuels the life we have tomorrow.

By Anthony Saude

I can’t wait until I am a grown up, then I will be able to do whatever I want to. What parent hasn’t spoken or heard those words multiple times in their lives. The super special secret that only the grownups are privileged enough to know that most baloney filled statement ever made.

Grownups long for the days when we were kids, except of course when we were kids. I wonder if this is where the human condition of “wanting what you can’t have” started. We try to tell our kids that they have it easy now that they are kids and then we kill ourselves to make it even easier.

What happens during that time that we are waiting that gives grownups amnesia? We forget the reality is that our kids on a whole in America don’t have it tough. Of course some do, there are always exceptions. Physical, emotional and sexual abuse are real things and we need to be on the lookout for signs. But, that is a story for a different day.

I wish for the days when I could do whatever I wanted. I would trade a cooking dinner for a bedtime. I would trade a mortgage for cleaning my room. I would trade an electricity bill for washing the dishes. I would trade the grocery bill for my meals being chosen for me, I could go on all day.

So young people while you wait enjoy yourself, older folks we don’t get to go back so enjoy yourself. You are where the youngsters want to be.

By Sarah Sanchez

My best friend of 20 years was recently diagnosed with breast cancer.  This was a huge shock to us as she is only 26-years-old and there is no history of breast cancer in her family.  She is a beautiful young woman who does not have kids yet, and has her whole life ahead of her.  However, life took an unexpected turn.

Finding out she had breast cancer was hard for her to hear, but she has been nothing but positive.  Her strength and persistence is truly inspiring.  She has researched treatment plans, asked questions, and scheduled several appointments with the help of her family.

When she met with medical professionals at City of Hope to go over her treatment plan, it was recommended that she obtained chemotherapy first and then go in for surgery.  But chemotherapy is known to damage a woman’s eggs, which may cause infertility when she is ready to have kids in the future.  This news was devastating to her because she has dreamed of being a mother one day.  So her doctor recommended she freeze her eggs before she starts chemotherapy that way she’d have a better chance of having children when she is ready to.  This treatment plan is not fully covered by her insurance so we are attempting to raise $10,000 to help with the upfront costs she needs to get her treatment started.

If you would like to help, there are a few ways you can do so:

• If you are financially able to give ANY amount, we would appreciate it! You can give a few different ways:
  1. You can visit her GoFundMe account: gofundme.com/eh8r8-hope-for-the-future.
  2. You can give via Paypal by sending money to: TakeThatCancer@hotmail.com.
  3. If you have a Venmo account, you can send funds to @TakeThatCancer
• You can share her story by sharing this article. Getting the word out will help so much!
• You can pray for her! Even though she is being so strong, she will have days of weakness during treatment.  Please pray for her journey while she is beating this cancer.
• Send her an encouraging thought. Send any uplifting scripture or encouraging thoughts to TakeThatCancer@hotmail.com.  We will forward them to her and I know she will love the support!

This woman is truly amazing and she grew up right here in this community, in addition to attending schools in the Walnut Valley Unified School District.  She also currently works for the San Bernardino County Sheriff’s Department.  However, for personal reasons, she wishes to keep her identity private via social media.  We have respected her wishes, but we are hoping the community members can provide the support she needs!  Let’s stand together to support this woman of strength and help her fight this deadly disease.  With your help, she will be able to say, “Take that cancer!”

By Michael Armijo

While driving one day, I noticed a young man sitting on a park bench. You could tell he was in despair, the way he was just sitting there, staring at the ground.  He looked like he had given up.

The man was wearing a muddy shirt, dirty tan pants, a large trash bag that he used as a backpack, and a pair of almost unrecognizable tennis shoes. His hair was filthy and matted, and he sported an untrimmed beard that looked as though it had been chopped in sections with a dull pair of scissors.

He sat there as though he had no place to go.  His head hung down; his eyes seemingly entranced on the ground. The scene reminded me of a small child, bored, thinking he didn’t have a friend in the world.  I could see hopelessness and sadness in this man’s demeanor.

As the cars sped by on the street, the man got up and walked in a slow-paced journey to nowhere. Had he stepped into oncoming traffic, I would have been horror-struck, but not surprised.  It would have appeared as though another tragic life had ended without a cause, without a clue, and without a care.

He didn’t look angry, but had he been I could have imagined him attacking.  Why not lash out at society if you don’t care what happens to you?  Why not “get even?” This is a sad logic, but as one who watches the news, its today’s reality.

As I looked at the man, I wondered if society had failed him; but how much truth does that hold? How responsible is society for the ones that are lost? I believe we have to ask ourselves, who determines our path?  Who maps out our life? We’ve heard so many excuses about responsibility through blame and denial that we allow ourselves to label our lives as dysfunctional.  And then we wonder why we turn out differently than others.

After the experiences I’ve had in life, I now believe we are the creators of our own destiny. We determine where we go, who we are, and who we become. After pointing the finger at society for too long, we need to take responsibility for ourselves. HOWEVER, I will add that as parents, we ARE responsible for providing an honest and fair life, a loving and caring environment, a responsible and healthy example, and a thorough and extensive education for our children. Of course, we shouldn’t condemn ourselves if our children do not turn out the way we had hoped.  As human beings, there comes a point in time where we need to look ourselves in our own eyes and say; “I honestly did the best I could, with no regrets.”  Why wish for the chance to do things over, when that is not a possibility?  You can only change who you are right now, and move forward doing your best.

I believe that there will be a day of judgment. And on that day we will be forced to look into our own souls and really see who determined our path.  So to that young man on the park bench, I hope you are happy with your path.

By Anthony Saude

Every day when we wake up, thoughts rush into our minds at an almost frightening pace. For some, those thoughts are sadly centered on the negative circumstances they may be experiencing in their lives. Still, for others it is quite the opposite; their thoughts are centered on the positive things happening in their lives. If we were to look at the state of our country we would have to assume that most are doing the negative thing.

I am not going to lie, when I wake up in the morning their is about a 50/50 chance that I will be doing the positive thing. (See how I just did the positive thing there) I am working on it but my first thoughts can be focused on the negative stuff. Even though I know for certain, that is not a productive way to start my day. I have been known to tell my kids that you can have a good day or a bad day it is your choice, which one do you want.

The goal I am after is that when I wake up, I would have my first thought to be: I am just glad I got to wake up again today. If we can accomplish that, it seems that positive thoughts should more easily follow throughout our day. Every day is a new day that the Lord has made for us; what we do with that day is a choice that we need to make. This type of thinking will take practice but like I always tell my kids “practice makes perfect”. It will take time, energy and intentionality to change negativity to positivity.

When we wake up we get to go out and see if we can’t figure out a way to make somebody’s negative day a positive day. With the state our country is in today, chances are that person could very well be a person or persons that are living in the very house you call home. Let’s start there tomorrow and see where that takes us.

By Anthony Saude

What can I do is a very common question for myself and others. I have found that there are seasons in our lives when we are always asking it. There is always an answer or answers to this question whenever I ask it. Sometimes the answers make a lot of sense until I say them out loud. Most of the answers, if I stop and think, are very self serving. What can I do to get more money? What can I do to stop being sad? What can I do make that person like me? What can I make them understand my feelings? What type of life will I have? What can I do to get what I want is usually the theme. When I really think about what my motivations are when I have a decision in my life I realize that MY feelings are 95% of what I am considering when seeking an answer.

A situation or circumstance can drastically change how we look at our lives. This change can be for the better or it can send us careening down a never ending dark hallway. We will inevitably always come right back to the same old question, “what can I do?”

Our attitude can make a vast difference in how it will affect our life and the lives of those around us. Very often we are not in control of circumstances in our lives but we can control our response. If in that moment we understand that truth and ask, “What can I do?” Does it mean there is nothing we can do if we can’t control the situation? No, it means, we don’t have to worry. We can control our behavior by not taking our feelings of frustration out on those around us. We can show grace. Give comfort to our loved ones that need it. We can forgive and forget. We can stop thinking with our emotions and start thinking with our brains. We can run to towards somebody instead of running away?

Sometimes “it is what it is” is just simply the truth and we can’t do anything to fix the situation or circumstance. That is an ugly truth that myself and many have and will struggle with throughout our lives.  So, the next time we ask ourselves “what can I do”, maybe the correct question  to ask is “what can I do for you?”

By Michael Armijo

I received an email a while back that has always resonated with me.  I find myself thinking about it from time to time, as the words it contained often remind me to work hard and be proud of what I’ve accomplished.  It has encouraged me to continue to keep my heart within my work, as you never know what life will bring you. It is good advice, no matter who you are or what you do, and I share it with you now.

The Carpenter:  An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer of his plans to leave the house-building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife and extended family.  He would miss the paycheck, but he needed to retire. They could get by.

The employer, who was sorry to see his good worker go, asked if he would build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end a dedicated career.

When the carpenter finished his work the employer came to inspect the house. He handed the front-door key to the carpenter. “This is your house,” he said, “my gift to you for all of your hard work and dedication.”

The carpenter was shocked; what a shame! If he had only known he was building his own house, he would have done it all so differently.

So it is with us. We build our lives, a day at a time, often putting less than our best into the building. Then with a shock we realize we have to live in the house we’ve built. If we could do it over, we’d do it much differently. But we cannot go back.

You are the carpenter. Each day you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall. “Life is a do-it-yourself project,” someone once said. Your attitudes and the choices you make today, build the “house” you live in tomorrow. Build wisely, and remember:  Work like you don’t need the money. Love like you’ve never been hurt. Dance like no one is watching. Enjoy life like it’s your last day on Earth.

By Michael Armijo

I remember watching an Oscar nominated movie where two characters discussed a life impacting situation: “There’s one in a million chance we’re getting over that fence” the main character said. “Then there’s a chance” said the other.

When I think of this story I am reminded of special human beings who hold a philosophy which mirrors this special scene. People in life who have been filled with short comings and tragedy, high hopes and failed expectations, but throughout: their lives are filled with hope.

It’s interesting to see people constantly try to survive in a world that seems unprepared for them. People who continuously hand out pieces of their heart in an attempt to help others, and in return, the world continually hand those pieces back in the form of heartache.

I’m not sure what gives them the motivation or the energy to get back up after being knocked down so many times. After being told “no” for asking the simple question over a thousand times: “will life ever love me?”

It takes many years of a life of abuse and neglect to distort a human being. But it only takes a moment of pain to give that life away, to other abused individuals. To give your life back into a system that has tried to destroy you. To surround yourself with dysfunctional human beings that may make you feel at home, but will ultimately destroy you and your young children.

So to avoid the norm, to avoid what’s comfortable to this type of life, and to better yourself and your children, is admirable. Especially when you keep trying to make the right decisions, over and over, only to find your background had distorted your ability to see clearly. But something inside keeps allowing you to pick yourself up from the consequences. Even after you know it’s wrong: after you know you’ve once again sought out individuals who are harmful to you and your family. You pick yourself back up, try your best to repair the damage, and then move on, like a carefree gypsy on a quest to survive.

So I applaud you, those who keep “surviving”. I applaud you because I see myself in you: I understand the struggle.

Yes I am speaking to you. And you. And me. And them. We are a family of life challenging and life changing decisions. And we are survivors. But if we look into our common core, we will find that we are beautiful people. With beautiful spirits. And we are simply like heroes of life: we overcome and learn to be beautify balanced.

By Anthony Saude

Just a short while ago I was talking with my wife about my relationship with death. I told her I either have a very healthy one or it is totally dysfunctional. At my age most people have had a fair amount of death and sadness in their lives and I am no different. Even when I was young I always had a delayed reaction to death. When everybody else was crying and sadness would overtake them I was almost indifferent to it. That doesn’t mean I didn’t cry at all. I just cried a lot less and, usually, not until I was at the gravesite and the coffin was being lowered into the ground.

For years I thought there was something wrong with me. I carried around a lot of guilt and shame because of it. The age of the person always had a direct correlation with the amount of sadness I felt. To me an older person had their time and we shouldn’t be sad about their death but instead we should be happy about the time we had with them. It just sounds logical to me.

The death of a younger person would make me sadder but I was always able to focus on the good times rather than the days ahead when I would be without them. So is my view of death healthy or unhealthy? I honestly still do not know. One of the positive aspects of my viewpoint is that it allows me to be there for my loved ones during their time of sadness. However, some of those same loved ones have seen it as a little cold and even uncaring.

This world is full of pain, sadness, mean people, judgment and a whole lot of stuff that not everybody is equipped to deal with. Have I been desensitized by the cruelty of the world? Addiction to drugs and alcohol is rising at the same rate as counseling and education in the mental health industry. Suicide is at an all time high, bullying is an actual thing and the list of sadness goes on and on. I personally spent most of my life forming an identity out of self medicating with drugs, alcohol and women.

Please don’t misunderstand what I am saying. Death is sad. Especially if it is self-inflicted. But it can also be a gift. I mean what could be better than hanging out with Jesus every day for eternity? I think to myself about those people that just get dealt a tough hand in life. The physically or sexually abused children or the marginalized people of the world. We all know somebody or have heard about somebody that has lived a life of pain and sadness through no fault of their own. Jesus tells us that there will be no pain, no tears, and no sadness when we go to be with him. That is a gift that, for some, has been impossible to pass up and that is very sad. Please don’t misinterpret what I am saying. I love life because it is also a gift from God. To me, when I leave this world I will get to be with Jesus and that is a gift that often times seems far away. So how can we look at a world so filled with sadness and evil as a gift and not a curse? There is one answer and that answer is Jesus. He died for me and I long to express my gratitude every day by helping the people who are sad. So while I am here on this earth it is my desire to help others see the beauty the world offers instead of the sadness that Satan wants them to see. I do this by introducing them to my Lord and savior, Jesus Christ, who can heal all wounds. So when a person I know dies and I know that they love Jesus, I know I will miss them, but I rejoice in the gift they have been given. If I don’t, aren’t I only thinking of my own feelings? I believe that God saves some people from the pain and sadness of this world by giving them the gift of death. How can I be sad that they were saved? I ask the question again, am I broken more than most or it is it a gift from God? I will make sure I ask him that question when he decides it is time to save me from this world with the gift of death. Until then I will make sure to use his gift of life to help as many as I can to see that both life, and death, can be a gift.

By Anthony Saude

When I got married I knew absolutely nothing about what that would mean to me as a man nor did I want to. I would just be me and do what I do and she can deal with that. She married me, right? Men aren’t like women; we don’t think and plan our wedding or our marriage. I was once told that is like going to the Olympics and starting your training after the opening ceremony.

A lack of training is exactly what started with and I wasn’t going to change or do anything different and that was final. She was the root of all our problems, she was rigid and she needed to change not me. Funny how we want others to do exactly what we ourselves refuse to do.

One day, don’t ask me when, but I can tell you that Jesus was the why, I realized that I needed a lot of work myself. Does that mean that my beautiful wife was perfect, absolutely not? I was off the rails and in the process of leaving massive amounts of wreckage in my wake. I had no idea how to process that information and for a long time I didn’t. I decided to work on being a better father, surely that would cover the inadequacies I had as a husband. Then maybe she would work on herself and I could be right again.

One day I realized it was time to put on my “big boy pants” and start acting like a man and not a boy. I had to take responsibility for my own behavior and stop blaming her for our troubles. Wow, I sure have a lot of faults, we all do, but I only saw hers. When I looked at me I saw mine and began to see the beauty in hers. I remembered why I fell in love with her, I saw her again because I began to see me. I don’t know if she can see my “big boy pants” but I can and that is all that counts.

By Nick Anis

One of the challenging aspects of parenting is NOT playing favorites with your children.  I remember when I was growing up how sad I felt that my father and mother favored my brother.  Mom and Dad bought him a bicycle, I had to buy my own.  They bought him a car, I had save up and get one myself.  They paid for him to go to college; I had to pay my own way through school.  But they again, I graduated and my brother didn’t – so I suppose I turned out to be the lucky one in that respect.

Actually, it wasn’t the “material” things that bothered me.  I was quite an entrepreneur as a teenager, and I always seemed to manage to make whatever money I needed to get any material things I wanted.  What bothered me the most was how they would heap praise on my sibling while omitting me or even putting me down.  They only time they seemed to think of me was for something negative or after they had finished thinking about and praising my brother.

You might be thinking this made me jealous of my brother, but actually it just caused me to grow up a little faster and concentrate more on school and work.  My brother and I were and still are, on good terms.  Besides the favoritism problem, my dad’s excessive corporal punishment also helped to keep me at school and work and out of my dad’s way as much as possible.

As it turns out, I’m also on good terms with my Dad.  My only problem these days is being careful NOT to repeat the same process that was so painful for me while I was growing up, while raising my own children.

When I look at my two sons, I see myself.  They look like me, and remind me of myself at their age.  I certainly don’t want them to experience and feel as I did when I was their age.  When I praise Joey (age 13) for something I make a point to also praise David (age 11).  I have a running joke with the boys, Joey is my favorite “oldest” son and David is my favorite “youngest” son.

Looking back 30 plus years ago it seems like it was only yesterday.  Rather than brood about my past, I think about the present and frequently ask myself am I being a good parent and are my sons happy?

I think having their mother and I working at home as they grow up has helped them to feel loved and secure.  At times this involved quite a bit of quid-pro-quo and we ended up having to do quite a few things in pairs.  In fact, we make it a point to periodically declare it “David Day” or “Joey Day” and for that day Joey and David get some VIP treatment as if it was their birthday or something.  In this way they can always be reminded each of them is very special to us.  It seems the only conflict in their life is a touch of sibling rivalry, which Patty and I try and keep out of unless it elevates to physical contact.

Patty and I have told our sons time and time again we will not play favorites, but I can tell from their questions and expressions each one likes to think of themselves as our “favorite.”  I honestly believe that if you strapped me up to a lie detector I would pass the exam with flying colors while telling the examiner that I love both Joey and David with the same enthusiasm and intensity and, that they are BOTH my FAVORITES.

By Sarah Sanchez

My dad wrote a story when I was younger that was based off the popular phrase: the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. His story talked about not letting distractions get in the way of following our hearts, and that we should start watering our own yard instead of looking at the other side of the fence.

I always remembered this story growing up and tried to look at life with that perspective. But now that I’m grown and more aware of the world, I realize that this phrase applies to more areas than we think.

The society we live in is all about focusing on what we don’t have or what we don’t do. With social media all around us, we are constantly looking at other people’s lives and comparing them with our own – “Liking” what we approve of and commenting with our opinions of their statements or pictures.

We are also constantly striving for more (or better) in the workplace and at home. We want a bigger house, a smaller waist, bigger muscles, more pay, a higher rank at work, etc. Basically, we want what we don’t have. But what happens when we do get what we want? What happens when we achieve the goal that we originally set? Are we happy and content with our achievement, or do we set a new goal wanting something else we can’t have?

The sad reality is that most of the time we are not happy. We live life constantly looking on the other side of the fence, looking at the grass we don’t have and thinking that our grass is not nearly as green. Then we start seeking new grass. This is why many marriages fail, with one spouse finding interest in another person that seemed “better.” This is why many millionaires are never truly happy, even though they have more than enough money. This is why many struggle with anorexia and bulimia, because society tells us that thinner is better.

Society doesn’t tell us to go to counseling to fix the problems in our marriage, to seek happiness in things other than money, or to accept the body we have – no matter the size. Society tells us to do the complete opposite. But I think it’s time for us to stop looking at what we don’t have, to stop looking at the other side of the fence, and just water our own grass.